The Many Adventures of the Avengers and Friends

🖤💦🎶 How Could I Ever Know?

A/N

Short, Sad, Song fic, Sorta unsure what dimension this is (a branch of the Soul Stone dimension, I know that much). I came up with this concept while driving and I low key burst into tears. I know, don't drive when emotional. But it was a sudden hit and I was like, two minutes from home. Ah, just an angst riddled set of chapters lately, huh? Sorry... XD

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Thanos had long since been defeated, but Loki was as depressed as ever. All he had was a four year old daughter without her mother. After Thanos snapped back in 2018, he and Olivia tried to continue with their lives. They had their own little home in New Asgard, and soon after Olivia had given birth to their daughter, Lyanna. They were considering a second child when the idea of a Time Heist was proposed.

It was their job to get the Soul Stone.

Both Loki and Olivia had entered Vormir, but only Loki returned.

He was sure she was happy somewhere, but day after day Loki was in a void. He became reserved, extremely depressed, and mentally checked out. And it hurt to look at Lyanna. She looked a lot like Loki, but her eyes... She had her mother's eyes. He couldn't bear to look at them for too long.

So, he traveled. He was never in the house for more than a few weeks at a time. It started traveling around the continent, then the world, then to other realms. Lyanna would stay with either Thor or Valkyrie during those times.

Unfortunately, this led to a strained relationship with the two as the years went by. When Lyanna was 7 she wondered why her father was always away and didn't look at her all that much. She missed her mother, sure, but her memory of Olivia was faint. By the time Lyanna turned 10 she grew certain that her father hated her to some extent. It wasn't her fault her mother was dead or that she was a constant reminder of it, and she knew that. But it didn't make it hurt any less.

Loki had long ago vowed to be the father he never had, but after Olivia was gone, he wasn't sure if he could feasably do that. There were times he wish he could go away and never come back. There were other times his thoughts went to a darker place than he would like to admit. Typically when he came home for a stretch, Loki would aggressively weed through the garden for any signs of the blue roses. Olivia had planted too many seeds and they were always popping back up.

His dreams were the worst part. Night after night he dreamt of Olivia. Her with their daughter, her dancing in the gardens of Asgard, her in Loki's memories of their adventures before they were cut short. Sometimes when he was home, he could almost hear her. Walking through the halls, singing softly as she did so.

Approximately six and a half years after her death, Loki was traveling again. He left two weeks before and found himself in a small cottage in Vanaheim. It was a frequent destination of his because it was secluded and far away from New Asgard. His dreams were getting bad again and he was fighting with himself. He could look in reflections in rivers and suddenly her face would be there. The winds seemed to sound like her whispering Loki's name. Why was he having such a hard time lately? He knew he couldn't run away forever, but maybe he could for just a little longer...

Loki tossed and turned in his sleep, curled in a fetal position. Tears leaked out of his tightly shut eyes as he tightly gripped at the pillow so hard that the pillowcase almost ripped. He was sick of this. Sick of the dreams, sick of the running, sick of... Everything.

In this particular dream, he stood in a field made up of tall grass and those damned blue roses. Every time he tried to stomp one down or pull it out, five more took its place. After what seemed like an eternity trying to destroy the flowers, he finally sank to his knees and sobbed.