Fifth Harmony One Shots

Before You Go (Dinah/You)

Before I start, I just wanted to let you know that this chapter will mention suicide. I don't want to trigger anyone. If you're going through something right now, talk to someone. You're beautiful and deserve to be happy ❤️

Dinah's POV

The girls and I were getting ready to go see Y/N. I really didn't want to go because it hurts too much. A year ago today, I found Y/N hanging from her ceiling. I can't get the image of her lifeless body out of my head.

Before I could get too caught up in my thoughts, Lauren came upstairs. I could see the sadness on her face, but she tried to hide it. She gave me a sad look and walked over to me.

" Are you ready?" She asked me and I shrugged.

" I guess so." I said shakily and she pulled me into a hug. It took everything in me to not break down. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I hugged the shorter girl. When we pulled back, she gave me another sad look and wiped the tear that had fell down my cheek. She grabbed my hand in a comforting manner and pulled me gently out of the room.

When we got downstairs, I could see the girls standing around waiting for us. I could see the sadness on their faces as well. We were all close with Y/N, but I think that Y/N and I were the closest. I never got the chance to tell her that I loved her. I always had a crush on her, but I never believed that she would feel the same way so I never told her. I regret that decision so much.

" Let's get going." Ally said and everyone slowly filed out the door. We got into the car with Lauren driving. I sat in the passenger seat and Normani and Ally sat in the back. I leaned my head against the window as I thought about everything.

I wonder every day about what Y/N was going through. I wonder if there's anything I could have said to make everything better for her. Maybe if I had, then she would still be alive today. I want to hate her for leaving us. I want to hate her for making the decision to take her life, but I can't because I don't know what she was going through. Y/N never liked to share with us how she was feeling. She always put on a brave face despite the fact that she was struggling. She always tried to stay strong for others, but never herself and I wish she had. I can't help but think about all of the moments I spent with her. The good and the bad. During the times I knew that she was struggling, I wish I had said the words that I needed to say and that she needed to hear.

Nothing could have prepared me for the day that I walked in on her lifeless and cold body. I tried my hardest to save her that day. There was nothing I could have done to save her despite the fact that I tried so hard. She had been gone for too long. We had gone out that day and she didn't want to come. I should have noticed that she was acting different that day. She seemed so much more sad and exhausted that day. I should have known that something was wrong. Maybe if I was with her that day, I could have prevented it and got her some help. The girls tell me that I shouldn't blame myself. I know that they blame themselves as well. None of us knew about the storm she had brewing in her. I can blame myself in a way though because there were quite a few times she would call me and I would be so busy that I couldn't talk. Maybe if I had answered more, she would have been able to talk through what she was feeling.

" Dinah, we're here." I heard as I felt someone shaking me gently. I snapped out of my thoughts and noticed Ally shaking me gently with a look of pity. I know that she knew what was going through my head. I sighed to myself and nodded my head at her.

I got out of the car slowly and sighed shakily at the sight of the graveyard. This is the first time that I'm visiting. I haven't been able to bring myself to see her. Seeing her grave makes this all the more real. I know that she's gone and not coming back, but this makes it all so final. Normani grabbed my hand on one side and Lauren grabbed the other. I gave them a small smile in appreciation and we all walked together towards her grave. When we arrived, we saw her grave with her name, date of birth and death and a beautiful picture of her smiling. There were flowers placed around her grave and I sighed to myself. I could already feel my eyes starting to water at the sight. I felt my body become weak and I dropped down to my knees in front of her headstone. The girls didn't try to stop me.

I slowly lifted my hand and traced over her headstone and then traced over the picture. I always loved this picture of her. She looks so happy and carefree in it. I wish that was always how she felt. Happy and carefree. I broke down at the thought and sobbed into my hands. I felt someone kneel next to me and pull me into a hug. I sobbed until I couldn't anymore.

" I never got the chance to tell her that I loved her." I said out loud. The girls already knew that I loved Y/N as more than a friend and they even encouraged me to tell her, but I never had the guts.

" I think she knew. I think she loved you as well." Ally says to me and I let out a sigh.

" Clearly not enough to stay with me." I said to them and I heard them let out sighs. There is a part of me that is angry at her, but I don't want to be. I just want her here. I don't care if she loved me as more than a friend. I would have gladly stayed friends if it meant that I got to see her every day. I wonder if I had told her that I loved her if she would have stayed. We could have been happy together. I could have helped her through whatever she was going through. I guess I'll never know the answer to any of these questions and I'll never get back the girl I love. The realization of that hits me hard and I hit the ground in anger.

" Can we go?" I begged the other girls quietly. I looked up at them and saw tears in their eyes as well. They nodded silently and we all went back to the car. I know Y/N's death is hard on the girls as well. Lauren was her best friend and Ally was always like a mother figure to Y/N despite the fact that she wasn't much younger. Normani was just as close. We're not the same as we used to be. We used to be so happy and carefree, but it's hard for any of us to feel that way recently. Ally is the one who tries to keep us all cheerful despite the sadness.

The thing about suicide is that it's hardest on the people that loved that person. They have to live with the guilt of wondering if there was something they could have done to make that persons heart beat better or make everything stop hurting. This isn't something any of us will get over. They say that time is supposed to heal, but this isn't something that any of us will heal from. We'll always be stuck with the reminder that our friend and the person we loved is gone. The image of her hanging from the ceiling isn't something I'll ever forget. It's something that I'll have to live with for the rest of my life.

Authors Note:

Hey everyone. Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I've been pretty busy recently. I hope everyone is doing well. For some reason, I couldn't add the song to this one. It wouldn't load up when I tried.

This is a pretty heavy one shot. I'm sorry if it made anyone feel bad. This one was a harder one to write. The topic is a very hard one to write about.

Thank you for reading and I promise the next one will be a happy one. I'll try to update soon.