the flaw in being perfect - rini au

forty

Nini hasn't cried yet, but she knows she's really close to it.

She spent the rest of the school day at the graffiti spot before heading home to get ready for the game. She has to be back at the school for warmup at five.

She can't help but continue to let her mind drift to Ricky. She really thought something was happening there, but he didn't as much as ask her why she wasn't in class. Has she been imagining the connection she's felt with him?

Nini has never been in a relationship before, so she has absolutely no clue what it looks like for feelings to be reciprocated. She thought she did, but she must have thought wrong.

She has this horrible heaviness in her throat, like she could throw up at any moment, and her stomach feels like a giant pit of emptiness.

She's felt like this before, and it's a feeling she never wanted to have again.

"Do you need a snack before the game tonight?" Linda leans her head out from her home office as Nini enters the house to get ready.

"I'll eat dinner at the snack bar." Nini forces a fake smile, continuing to her room.

Nini knows she's lying, but she can't eat right now. It would only make her feel worse, and she doesn't want to worry anyone into thinking this is a relapse.

"Alright," Linda dismisses as she continues working.

It doesn't take Nini all too long to get ready. She's done it so many times she doesn't even need the mirror. She puts her hair up in a high ponytail with her bow after touching up her makeup, throwing her team jacket over herself to cover up a little.

She ends up arriving at the school an hour early, deciding to just sit behind the bleachers as the junior varsity football players warm up at the practice field across from her.

"Is that Nini Salazar-Roberts?" Nini overhears a football player ask.

Nini puts in her earbuds and closes her eyes, drowning out the world to the sounds of mxmtoon.

After about thirty minutes, the JV players leave for their game, and the Varsity players arrive — not that Nini noticed. She hasn't opened her eyes since she arrived.

The Varsity Team notices her immediately. Ricky can't go thirty seconds without hearing someone mention her.

Eventually, he's had enough and he decides to approach her.

"Bowen! Where are you going?" One of his teammates calls.

He ignores them, making his way towards Nini.

He taps her on the shoulder, causing her to open her eyes in surprise, quickly taking an earbud out.

"Ricky, hey," she starts.

"Could you go sit somewhere else? You're distracting the team."

Nini opens and closes her mouth, looking for the right words to say. He sounds so cold towards her, which is something she hasn't experienced since they first met. Why is he being so mean?

Before tears can fully form in her eyes, she quickly stands up, gathering her belongings and leaves as quickly as she can.

Ricky jogs back to his team, not letting the look on her face get to him. He knows he upset her, but right now he doesn't have time to care. He needs to win this game.

"Fuck," Nini mumbles to herself as she sits down in a new spot. She still has twenty more minutes until she has to be up on the bleachers to meet her team.

She can't cry right now. Everyone would know.

How did everything change so quickly? Just yesterday she and Ricky were fine, and today he asks her to leave in front of the entire football team. It doesn't make any sense. Even if Ricky doesn't have feelings for her, she at least thought they were friends. She thought they could talk to each other.

Maybe being with EJ is what she deserves.

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don't hate me ???

-jenna