I felt like an empty shell of a person. It was all almost too terrible to handle. Almost. I spent the first day or two after the takeoff in my room. I had my sad song playlist on loop and sat around in my pajamas. I havn't even taken out my pointe shoes yet, let alone danced, which was extremely unusual for me. Ridge and Allie visited me a lot. I knew they were worried about me, especially because I was practically alone here besides them and there was already a suicide on the ship. No matter how sad or depressed I got, I would never be suicidal. My greatest fear in life is death. I think they knew that. I wouldn't leave my room. They brought me food, but as soon as they left I'd throw it out. I wasn't hungry. I woke up at about 6:30 in the afternoon after a nap to find a note Allie slipped under my door. It said that there was a meeting on the 1st floor door at 7:00 and that she hoped to see me there.
I opened my armoire and picked out some stretchy skinny jeans and a grey cardigan to throw over my camisole. I put on the outfit and slipped on boots. I headed to the elevator and pressed the 1st floor button. When the door opened I found everyone on the ship writing the names of their lost loved ones on the walls. I would have thought I would start bawling, but my eyes were cried out and there was a wall around my heart. I grabbed a sharpie and angrily tore the cap off and walked up to the wall. I wrote as small as I could. "I am still here". I jammed the cap back on my pen and was suddenly thankful for the pain I was feeling. I knew that if I couldn't feel anything I would be lost forever.
I stared at what I wrote for a couple seconds before I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see Tristan waving me over and patting the empty seat beside him. I left behind my sadness with those words and was filled with bashfulness as I walked over to him. I sat down and we made small talk. Just being around him made me feel better. In no time the assembly began.
After the assembly ended, they began reading a list of the dead relatives of the members on board. I saw Tristan tense up and his jaw lock at the the names James and Victoria Colten. I was curious. What if he lost his parents too? As they finished with the O's my throat tightened. By the time my father's name was called I was breathing shallow and my hands were clammy. Someone put their hand on mine. I looked and it was Tristan. I gave me a sad, concerned smile and kept his hand on mine. I calmed down and when they were done reading off the names the two days of not eating hit me like a brick. I think Tristan noticed. He stood up after everyone was dismissed.
"Do you want to grab something to eat?" he asked, pointing behind himself. "I missed dinner."
"Me too." I said with a smile. "I'm starved."
We walked to the cafeteria and hopped in one of the lines. Apparently no one else was thinking about food except us, because we were the only ones there. I grabbed a can of spaghetti o's and put it in the microwave.
"Want to warm me up some too? I'll make some grilled cheeses." I nodded getting a second can out.
It turns out Tristan makes the best grilled cheeses I'd ever tasted in my life. He put the plates on the table and I sat down across from him, scooting a bowl over to him. We ate in silence for a moment before he started conversation.
"So are you going to be taking classes?" he asked. I'd been thinking about what classes I wanted to take while I was in my room and kind of narrowed it down.
"Yeah." I said, "I'm thinking about taking the piloting course that is going to be looking for a place to create a settlement as my major." His face lit up.
"Me too!" he said excitedly. "We'll have to make sure we sit next to each other. What other classes are you taking?"
"The survival class and navigation." We talked for awhile about our classes and it sounded like we'd have two or three together. Things were finally looking up. I kept getting distracted by his crooked half smile he kept giving me and the dimple on his left cheek.
Right before we went back to our rooms he gave me a hug.
"I'm really sorry about your dad." he said. He must have recognized the last name because of my mom. I breathed in his musky scent, wanting to melt into his arms.
"Thanks." I mumbled into his chest. He let me go and waved as he walked away. As I walked back to my room I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
