Lena
After all that mess that I was talking, I still went out with June.
I mean...he was right; I do have insecurities when it comes to my weight and I don't want a man to think that he has some type of power over me because of that.
"Don't nobody want you but me because you big", type of men still do exist and i don't want that to ever happen to me.
I'm still skeptical because not only is he Jarron's friend but he doesn't know me at all.
He hasn't even been able to study my face, mannerisms or how I am to even know if I'm attractive or not.
I'm one of those people that need to observe you fully before I make a move on you.
I just appeared one day and suddenly he's interested? It made no sense to me. And I know he has girls that he messes with; he's that type so it isn't making any sense to me.
It seems like a good idea right now but I'm still not putting all my eggs in one basket with this one.
Ain't no kissing, rubbing, touching, nothing until he unpacked the skeletons in his closet. And I don't mind doing the same but I need to know it's real first. I don't do sex before marriage either so that's another thing on my list that he has to accept.
As long as he's real with me then I'll do the same. One thing I hate is for a person to play games with me. If you're honest with me from jump then we can move on from there but you don't have to lie to me or be stand offish and I made sure June knew that on our last date.
Him and I are four dates in and everytime we link up, we learn something new about each other and I like how open we both are.
Well, he's open and I tell him what I want him to know. I'm that way because I really wish Jarron and him weren't friends. In the back of my mind I feel like June would tell my business to Jarron.
It's feeling like them elementary school days when a boy would date you for the entire school day as a joke for his friends. I'm getting very much, hmmm...set up.
Not that I'm telling him about personal things like past trauma and things of that nature but even the surface level business is sensitive to me.
I'm not a person who opens up to everybody and I cannot stress that enough.
"June!" I yelled.
"Huh?!" He yelled back.
"I didn't put this movie on so you can be in the room the whole time, what are you doing?!"
"Hold on, pause it, I'll be there in a minute."
June and I were supposed to go to his friend's birthday party tonight but he decided, at the last minute that he didn't want to go. Even After him and I were both dressed from head to toe, he still wanted to cancel.
And I thought that it was strange that he'd do something like that and to be honest, I can't brush it off either.
Was there a girl there that he didn't want me to run in to? Was he embarrassed of me? What?
Sudden changes like that make me nervous.
June came creeping around the hall like a doctor when they say "I got some good news and I got some bad news".
He sat on the couch and rubbed the back of his head.
I paused the movie and gave him my undivided attention because he's about to say something stupid.
"Just say it" I told him.
"Look, I know I invited you to the homies party and then I called it off but I want to be honest with you" he said.
