BLUE AND MUSIC

17

I'm Mad at disney, disney

They tricked me, tricked me

Had me wishing on a shooting star

But now i am twenty something

I still know nothing

About who i am or what am not...

          Song: Mad at Disney by Salem Ilese

(Probably doesn't match with this chapter but i couldnt get the song out of my head🙄)

.........//

     This week has been the weirdest week ever in both a good and bad way.

   I didn't know how to answer Xander so i never gave him an answer. Did i want his pity...his sympathy? Was he  only doing it because he thought it was the right thing to do? Did he care?

   Just one action from this guy turns my head and thoughts into a spiral mess.

Congratulations Ashley...you have officially lost your mind...Do you want a trophy for that?

Nice to see you too voice...

    Before Xander i dreaded lunch hated it even but now i felt happy to go to Lunch. Chris had stuck with his nickname for me. Rae was surprised when Xander had called me blue infront of everyone but i gave her a reassuring smile that she returned.

     I remember how Chris had argued and pouted saying he wanted to be the only one with a nickname for me. Xander and him had gotten in a petty argument. It ended with Sage smacking both their head. An hilarious sight indeed.

     If anyone had told me superstars behave like this when they are off camera. I wouldn't have belived but i guess even with their celebrity status they are human.

       i have been feeling better this week. Almost like my old self. I chirp in sacarstic remarks once in a while and it makes me feel so good to be able to say what i want sometimes.

     Although i know all good things must come to an end. I know by Monday my sour depressed self would return. The memorial is so near that i can sniff it. That probably makes me sound like a dog...

    But i don't know but this week also gave me the creeps. I mean i have been hearing clicks of a camera when am around Xander or anyone of the Pulse. I tried asking them but they don't hear a thing. Maybe am being paranoid...

Yea dumbass who would want to take a picture of you!

Firstly not a dumbass, secondly you are probably right

Am always right bitch!

  
     Thank you voice. You are so amazing.... Fyi fuck you!

   But that's not the only thing weird.  Kylie and Bloom are like little devils waiting for a time to strike. They keep giving me glances and creepy smirks. I know they have something big up their sleeves and that worries me... A LOT!

    People have been doing the same thing. Is like they know of whatever plan Kylie and Bloom are up to. They even stopped aiming at me. I haven't be tripped in a week....that's not normal for me.

   So here i am taking a look at the mirror one more time. I couldn't believe this was happening. For other people this maybe a normal occurrence.

   For me....this is huge.

Today was Saturday. The day chris had said all of us should "hangout" for lunch. I had promised myself i won't think about  her...about my pathetic life but for once juat have fun. If thats possible...