BLUE AND MUSIC

21

I'm in too deep

Cant swim like me

We're drowning, so i will see

My demon ten feet, under me.

Inhale exhale but i can't breath

      Song: Righteous by juice wrld.

.......//

   I woke up 6am. The effect wearing off.

  I just sat there. Should i go to school? Should i just sit here and cry because if so then i glady would.

   I know Trey would want me to stay home and go to the memorial...but  did want to cry my eyes out. i didnt want to see their grave site.

     I could feel a migraine coming.
Making up my mind. I start my daily routine for school. I dont want to sit here and cry. I didn't want to think about them. I didnt want to believe they are dead.

   Crying here would make me pathetic, weak, disgraceful. So i will pretend am fine. At least i hope i can.

   My eyes were dull, red and tired. My skin pale and thin. My body shapless and disgusting. My hair ruffled up.  if anyone sees me on the road...i know they would immediately call 911 reporting a case of a zombie walking down the side walk.

   I almost laughed at that thought. Keyword...

Almost.

After showering. I picked a pink bracelet on my hand. Just as a sign.

I crept down the stairs not wanting to draw Trey or Willows attention.

  The morning air greets me and for someone who isn't mourning anyone. Am sure they would have loved it.

   But me...the morning air only reduced the little motivation i had in my heart.

  My walk to school was uneventful. The sky turned dark and gloomy. Everywhere was erie silent not even the chriping of morning birds were heard.

  You could tell today wasn't gonna be good.

Bing!

  A message pop on my phone as i stood in the parking lot.
........//

Music ~ Hey Blue. Can't come to school today. We have a meeting with our producer about some illegal website about us or something 🙄

    Have fun...but not too much without me😉

Love.

      Music😘

Blue: Okay.
......//

Yea i know what you are thinking. Why did i just reply with an okay? Because am not in the fucking mood.

   I slowly start to walk to school and i almost regretted it.

  Hateful looks met me immediately i stepped my foot in the school. I notice a lot of people wearing something pink in remembrance of her.

      Bile rose in my throat but i pushed it down.

Don't you dare cry Ash..

Dont be pathetic.

    I got shoved and pushed. I could feel the saddness floating in the hallways.

  And then down the hall was something that brought tears to my eyes.

    A little picture of  her with flowers and candles. Beside it was kylie and for the first time this year. I saw the real Kylie.

   She had no make up. Her eyes red from crying. She wore a pink ribbon. I could see the dried tears on her cheeks.

    She didnt bother to look my way as she put in a daisy on the picture frame. I watch people drop flowers and notes.

    The tears that stung my eyes were about to fall. Someone shoved me making me fall face first on the ground but no one laughed. They all past me like i wasnt on the floor. I felt some tears on my cheeks. I abruptly stood up cleaning up my face and hurrying down the hall.

And all i could think about was how all this was my fault.

My fault

..........//

    i couldn't stand it no more.

I was in a coffee shop downtown. I left school early. It was all too much for me. The pink everywhere,the glares amd that...that picture.

   I took another sip of my coffee staring at the gloomy sky. I have gotten calls from Trey and Willow but i ignored them. I switched off my phone because i knew those two could track me.

      I was in my own thoughts...my own world for now. But i knew reality will strick soon and i knew it would hurt like a bitch.

I just hope it doesn't break me completely because i am only hanging on a string.

Author here☺

    Theres more to come sorry for the short chapters😅

   What do you think.

This question has been bothering me though...

If icecream had a baby...what will it be?🤔🤔🤔

Adios ppl

Love

Blue💙