BLUE AND MUSIC

9

  I get overwhelmed so easily

My anxiety creeps inside me

Makes it hard to breath

Words come over me

It feels like am somebody else

I get overwhelmed

              Song: Overwhelmed by royal & serpents ft Nightcore.

........//

  Was i this desperate?

        yes...yes you are

Why did i agree to it?

     Because you need friends.

But i can survive without them?

     And hows that been working for you?

Horrible

  Exactly imagine if you dont tell them and you all become friends  You could finally laugh and smile.

Yea thats right..He said if only i tell him with my mouth. So i can make them my friends and they won't know. If they dont know they dont run away...

   So all you have to is keep your mouth shut. They hang around you and you could have someblove even if its just a bit...

Yea...just a bit...

   See easy..

Yea but Kylan...and Kylie and the rest of the school.. Oh shit what was i thinking!

     It doesnt matter

It does stupid voice in my head....they are fucking celebrities. He would start to join me so that he can get it out of my mouth....then the rest will follow which would lead to attention. Which would lead to Kylan and Kylie...which would lead to death...

  Well your luck...

Are you fucking kidding me? Come back you stupid voice.

Silence...

    I have been having a fight with this voice in my head. It saying i made the right choice while me still wondering why i said yes.  I had said yes to Xander's  deal and now am laying on my bed staring at the empty ceiling.

  
     I just realised i made a stupid choice of saying yes...

   
     Xander brought this warmth that i thought i needed but thinking back. Will that warmth save me from Kylan wrath?

   Probably not?

So why did i say yes?

Why did i say yes when i know its not gonna save me from my problems but instead add to it?

      I sighed...

Damn...i wish i died that night with them....

  
     I looked outside my window to see the sky turning a shade darker...

    "Am sorry...am sorry i caused you all to leave so early...am so sorry" 
   
    
        i whispered hoping they hear me from wherever they were...

........//

  My eyes flutter open and i start to stretch like a cat. Yawning i walk my way to the toilet. Again my ugly pale face stars at me...i look like the walking dead.

    Chuckling at my misfortune. I get on with business. My brusies had started to heal but had there was still a liitle ache...it is something i can handle though...