Lies make you weak and that's why you can't sleep

'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say

They soon get to the hotel, all were confused a bit yes they were getting closer to finding Kizume, but Kazmo. He and Illumi conversation, what was that all about? He looks more emotionless right now, " we should head to Yorknew first thing tomorrow morning, make sure you're all rested well, I wish not to make any stops " Illumi spoke. " uh yeah, are you okay Illumi? " Kurapika spoke, " yes, why do you ask? " he spoke, " it's just, you seem a bit off " Gon spoke.

" aww don't look at me like that, if you would have listened like a good boy, you wouldn't be right here " the red-haired male spoke, Illumi looks up at them scared as tears dripped down his cheeks.

He shakes his head, to get rid of that memory, " I'm fine, I'll go pick something up for dinner. I shouldn't be long " he spoke walking away quickly. " something doesn't feel right here " Leorio spoke, " he's hiding something " Killua spoke. " the question is what? " Kurapika spoke, Hisoka looks in the direction Illumi walked off, he frowns a bit.

~UxU~

Illumi leans against a tree, blood dripping down his lips onto the ground, blood, rose petals, and thorns were on the ground. Illumi looks down at the puddle with blurry vision, as the tears cloud his vision. ' it's getting worse, I need to finish this fast ' he thought.

~UxU~

The other five were hanging out in Illum and Hisoka's hotel room just because, " what do you think he's hiding? " Gon spoke. " who knows, anki full of mysterious. Do you know who that was Hisoka? " Killua spoke. " sorry I don't~, I'm just as dumbfounded as you guys~ " he spoke. " this seems harder then we thought " Leorio spoke, they all nod there heads. Suddenly the door opens, all turn to see Illumi holding two bags.

"I didn't know exactly what to bring, sorry if I didn't meet your standers " he spoke putting the bags down on the coffee table. " it's alright " Gon spoke. " aren't you going to eat? " Kurapika spoke, " I'm not hungry, I'm going to take a shower and do a bit more research " Illumi spoke. " you should take it slow, you shouldn't overwork yourself anki " Killua spoke unwrapping a riceball. " as an assistant i simply cannot, you know better than me why " Illumi spoke gathering his clothes. " typical Illu~ " Hisoka spoke.

He simply walks into the bathroom making sure he locks the door because of a certain magician, Hisoka can't help but feel his precious illumi is hiding something from him.

~UxU~

Illumi starts the shower, he strips and stands underneath the warm water, letting it hit his skin he hisses a bit. He stands there a bit, letting his hair get soak, he shampoos his hair, he closes his eyes to wash the shampoo out.

" hold still, I promise it won't hurt " the man spoke, " hold him down Kazmo " the red-haired man spoke, " with pleasure~ " he spoke. " no, stop it!!!!! " Illumi yells as he's pinned down. " now, now what did I say about yelling. Tsk, guess we'll just have to teach you another lesson~ " the man spoke as he chuckles. Illumi looks up at him scared, his large onyx eyes wide tears streaming down his cheeks, as he struggles to choke back his sob.

Illumi shakes his head, ' stop it, don't think about it. You're no longer that scared little boy ' he opens his eyes. He whips his face, he looks up a bit, he grabs the bar of soap, he began to clean his body.

" aww look at him, he's crying~ " Kazmo spoke, Illumi was curled in a ball, his arms wrapped around his legs pulling them close to his chest. His body ached, tears streamed down his cheeks, he flinches as the red-haired man wipes a bit of tears from his left cheek. " yes he was really fun to play with, he was very tasty as well~ " the man spoke licking his lips. " say why don't we play with him a bit more, you wouldn't mind, right Silva? " the red-haired man spoke.

" knock yourselves out, he needs to learn to defend himself and know about this for later on in life " Silva spoke as he stood up, " don't mind if we do~ " Kazmo. Illumi felt a shiver go down his spine, ' what did I do to deserve this? ' he thought shaking.

' stop! don't think about it! ' he thought, he couldn't help no matter how hard he tried, tears dripped down from his eyes onto the shower floor. He whipped away his tears, but the more he did more tears dripped down his cheeks. He bit his lips to hold back his sobs, he clenches his fist a bit, he began to cough, the thorns digging deep into his throat. He coughed not being able to stop himself, he feels down to his knees, after ten minutes he got a hold of himself, he turns off the water. He got the flower petals and thorns, he threw them in the trash, he began to dry himself, he was trying his best to forget everything but just couldn't, it was too painful.

He could hear the muffled laughing and talking of the others, he just wished he could be like them, happy. He sat down by the shower, he wanted it to stop hurting, he wanted to forget and feel free for just a bit. He dug into his pants pocket, he grabbed the needle in there.

Everything was too much, he wanted to feel, not worry about anything just for a little bit. He brings his hand closer holding the pin, looking down ay his bruised thighs, already marked from past times. He brought his hand down, he soon painted his pale skin red. 

Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear

Lovely~ Billie Eillish ft Khalid

09/09/2020

Word Count: 1072