PERFECT

Frustration

"Nothing is more painful realizing that you'll end up hurting people you cared and loved too much..."

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KRYP POINT OF VIEW

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakauwi kahit sobrang bigat ng loob ko sa sarili ko. I didn't mean to hurt him. Damn you kryp! Sana inintindi mo nalang sana hindi ka nalang nagreact. Wala ako sa sarili ko hanggang makarating ako sa condo ko. When I enter in my unit I saw my twin sitting in sofa. He took a glance on me. And smirk. I banged myself to the sofa.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Umiling ako. Hindi naman talaga ako okay. My tears are escaping and it's non-stop.

"You know twin, alam kong hindi ka bobo. Isa ka sa pinakamatalino sa Psychology department. You know all about emotions. Tell me and stop denying it. You are in love with him, to Ross admit it." Tinitigan ko si Khryz. 

"I love Pree." Khryz shook his head. I felt my tears. Ang bobo ko. Pinalala ko ang sitwasyon. Masasaktan ko ang dalawa.

"You don't love her anymore. You care for her and it's different."

"Ross confessed to me. He loves me." I said. Tumingin ako sa kawalan at niyakap ang mga binti ko. I placed my chin on my knee and let my tears fall off.

"What did you feel?" Ngumiti ako ng mapakla. Instead of answering him.

"I hurt him." I utter I heard Khryz took a deep sighed. He stood up and seated beside me. I rested my head on my twin's shoulder. He tapped my arm.

"I know it's confusing. Alam kong nakakalito. Bal, please. Matalino ka. Alam kong alam mo kung ano ang nararamdaman mo pero nagdedeny ka lang." He kissed my forehead and left me alone in my condo. I grab my phone to call Ross I want to explain to him. I want him to know that I didn't intent to hurt his feelings. His phone is unattended. Napatingin ako sa labas ng bintana. The rain is pouring. Bigla akong napatayo nang maalalang walang kotseng dala si Ross. Mabilis kong kinuha ang susi at wallet ko walang lingon-lingon tumakbo papuntang parking lot. Pagdating ko sa location ng Wink bar pinarada ko ang kotse ko saka lumabas ng kotse.

I don't mind if wala akong payong. Nasimula akong maglakas para hanapin s'ya. Lakad takbo ang ginawa ko. I tried ko call him many times pero nakapatay parin ang cellphone n'ya. Inabot ako ng 30 minutes pero hindi ko parin s'ya makita. Basang-basa na ako ng ulan but I didn't care. Hanggang makarinig ako ng hagulhol na sobrang lakas. Napahinto ako sa paglalakad. Para akong binuhusan nang malamig na tubig habang naririnig ko ang bawat hikbi n'ya. Lumunok muna ako bago nagsimulang maglakad hanggang makarating ako sa may park. And there, I saw Ross with his friends. And he's crying so hard. Bawat hikbi n'ya para akong sinasaksak sa dibdib. Lalapit sana ako nang napatingin sa gawi ko si Gen he slowly shook his head na parang sinasabing h'wag kong ituloy. Napayuko ako at tuluyang tumalikod saka nakayukong umalis sa lugar. Bawat hakbang ko palayo parang may kung anong dumadagan sa 'kin.

"I-i'm sorry, Ross." I whispered. I want to hurt myself for hurting him. Biglang nagvibrate ang phone ko. Bigla akong nanghina. It's Pree. Hindi ko magawang sagutin. Hanggang naging missed call. Ilang beses n'ya pa ako tinawagan pero ni isang tawag hindi ko sinagot. May mga messages din s'ya.

From: Pree

Babe are you okay?

Why are you not answering my calls?