PERFECT

Confession

"I've had enough..." 

"Everyone has a breaking point and he'd reach his..." 

******

KRYP POINT OF VIEW

"Are you really okay?" Pree asked me. Nasa isang Italian restaurant kami. It's already 9 pm. I nodded to her as answer and continue eating. Sa kalagitnaan ng pagkain namin biglang nagvibrate ang cellphone ko. It's Kuya Sid.He's calling.

"Babe, sagutin ko lang 'to." I said. She nod. I answered the call.

"Kuya Sid bakit?"

"Busy kaba?"

"Hindi naman. I'm with Pree we're having a dinner." Rinig ko ang buntong hininga n'ya.

"Si Ross kasi—"

"Anong nangyari sa kan'ya?" nakaramdam ako ng kaba.

"Nandito s'ya sa bar. Nagpapakalunod sa alak. He's crying too. He looks so pitiful." Parang may kung anong kumirot sa puso ko ng marinig ko 'yon. 

"Can you go here? Ayaw kasing ipaalam ni Ross sa mga kaibigan n'ya ang ginagawa n'ya ngayon."

"Sure. Look for him. For a while papunta na ako." Binaba ko ang tawag saka tumayo.

"Saan ka pupunta babe?" Kinuha ko sa bulsa ko ang susi ng sasakyan ko. Saka binigay kay Pree.

"Sorry, Pree but hindi kita mahahatid ngayon. Something urgent came up." I said.

"It's Kuya Ross?" She asked. I took a deep sigh and nods my head. 

"Yes, he needs me right now. See you. I will call you later." I kissed her forehead as I said that. Saka nagmamadaling nagpara ng taxi.

"Saan s'ya Kuya Sid?" tanong ko agad pagdating sa bar. 

"Nasa VIP room." I immediately run towards the VIP area. Pagbukas ko sa pintuan sumalubong sa 'king ang malakas na mga hagulhol. Parang dinudurog ang puso ko sa nakikita at naririnig ko. Dahan-dahan akong pumasok. Sinara ko ang pinto. The room is so messy. Broken glasses. Medyo dim ang kwarto. And in the corner Ross is crying while hugging his knees. He's trembling and he is almost out of breath. 

"Ross." He looked up to me. Basang-basa ang mukha n'ya dahil sa luha n'ya. Pulang-pula ang mukha n'ya. Pero ang umagaw ng pansin ko ang mata n'ya. Wala na itong buhay. It's too cold and deep.

"K-kryp." Malamig ang boses n'ya. Lumapit ako sa pwesto n'ya. Sumisinok sinok pa 'to.

"K-kryp. H-help me p-please. Hindi ko na kayang m-mag isa y-'yong sakit. H-hindi ko na k-kayang s-solohin p-pa." His voice is pleading. I held his head towards my shoulder. kinuha ko ang kamay nito at hinawakan ng mahigpit. To maked him feel that there's someone for him. 

"Ross—"

"T-they want me l-lost." Tumawa ito pero puno ng hinanakit hanggang mapunta  muli sa hagulhol. Umiinit na rin ang sulok ng mga mata ko. I'm in verge of crying. Nasasaktan din ako para sa kan'ya.

Why our society is like this? neglecting those people who only want is to be accepted and to be loved. Maybe they're different but being different isn't an excuse to reject and to be unwanted they are humans. They have rights. They have hearts. They have minds. And they can love. So why like this? It is so shameful living in this kind of world where it should be respecting, loving, accepting, and appreciating people but instead, it's criticism, discrimination, blinded, narrow-minded perspective.

"I'm alive but I-i feel I'm a-already dead." I didn't answer because I know listening is better. At least Ross will think that I'm here for him and listening to him.

Sometimes those in pain don't need words from others. They just need only a person who will listen to them. Someone who will understand them truly by listening.

"Tama na 'yan Ross." It's already 4 am. Nandito parin kami sa VIP room he keeps drinking. Tinulak ako ni'to palayo.

"DON'T MAKE ME STOP. I NEED THIS." napapikit ako sa sigaw n'ya. Naiintindihan ko s'ya. But lasing na lasing na s'ya. Mas lasing pa s'ya kaysa no'ng nasa beach kami. He looks so wasted. I took a deep sighed at tumayo at inagaw sa kan'ya ang bote.

"I SAID DON'T FUCKING STOP ME YOU DON'T KNOW MY PAIN." He pushed me away and this time sobrang lakas kaya bumagsak ako sa mga basag na bote. Napadaing ako sa sakit ng bumaon ang bubog sa braso ko. Nag-init na ang ulo ko. Tumayo ako at hindi ininda ang pagdudugo ng braso ko. Mabilis akong lumapit sa kan'ya at inagaw ang boteng hawak n'ya at binato kung saan.

"STOP SAYING NA WALANG NAKAKAINTINDI  NANDITO AKO! KANINA PA AKO NANDITO. NAIINTINDIHAN KITA KAYA AKO NAG STAY DITO." I yelled out of frustration. Kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata nito. Maya-maya bigla itong tumawa.

"N-naiintindahan mo ko?" Napakalamig ng boses n'ya.

"H-how?" Pumatak na naman ang mga luha n'ya.  

"I know your pain. Nakikita kong nasasaktan ka—" Napatigil ako sa pagsasalita nang sumabat s'ya.

"Then did you see that I love you." I was stunned in my spot after hearing that. Parang biglang tumigil lahat. I can clearly hear my heart racing too damn fast. Why? What's wrong? Bakit ako nasasaktan?

"Your shocked. Yes, I love you. Naririnig mo ba ako? Mahal na mahal kita. I'm f*cking in love with you!" Lumapit ito sa 'kin. Napaatras ako. Hindi nagsisink in sa 'kin ang sinasabi n'ya.

"I'm f*cking in love to you for almost 5 years." Atras lang ako ng atras hanggang wala na akong maatrasan. Sobrang lapit n'ya sa 'kin. He leaned forward. Halos maduling ako sa lapit n'ya. Amoy na amoy ko ang alak na ininom n'ya. 

"I love you since the day she said yes to you." With that, he sealed his lips to my lips. He's kissing me roughly. But I don't know what kind of the spirit possessed me. I even wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. Nangmawalan na kami ng hangin humilay kami sa isa't-isa pero hinigit n'ya ako papalapit sa kan'ya. I saw hope in his eyes. It's like he found something that can lift him up.

"Y-you kissed me back. Hind ka lasing t-this time. Do you l-like me too?" As I heard that I pushed him away. Pinunasan ko ang labi ko.

"I'm not a gay." Bumalatay ang sakit sa mga mata n'ya. Sh*t.

"Ross It's not—" Shrugged his head and laughed but his tears keep flowing. His laugh giving me pain inside. 

"Y-you're just s-same to them." Umiling ako. Sinubukan kong lumapit pero lumalayo s'ya sa 'kin.

"D-don't ever show your face to m-me again. Y-yes, I love you. B-but I had e-enough. You don't even remember me." Mabilis itong tumalikod at naglakad paalis. Naiwan akong nakatulala. I want to follow him but I cannot move my feet. His sentence keeps repeating to my head.

"You don't even remember me."

"You don't even remember me."

"You don't even remember me."

Parang bumigat ang katawan ko. Napaluhod ako sa kinatatayuan ko. I hurt him sh*t.

"Did I met him before?" Pilit kong inaalala hanggang naalala ko ang sinabi n'ya kanina.

"I love you since the day she said yes to you." Then memories flashed to my mind.

"He is that nerdy kid?" I whispered. Napatingin ako sa pintong nilabasan ni Ross. Nagulat ako ng may tubig na pumatay sa duguan kong braso. Hinawakan ko ang mukha. I'm crying and I don't know why.