drunk fantasies ; one shot book

lisp (c. blanchett)

au in which cate isn't married

"I have an important matter we need to address," you announced dramatically as you entered the living room, where your girlfriend was sitting, playing on her phone.

"Oh my, I wonder what it could be," she replied, not even glancing up when you plopped yourself down on her lap.

"I need your full attention, Miss Catherine Elise."

"Why's that?"

You rolled your eyes at her, swiping her phone away, "Because I do. It's very very important."

"It better be. That was one heart wasted 'cause you took my phone."

"You're so overdramatic."

"You love me anyway," she stated with a wink. Or rather, a failed attempt at a wink.

"Of course I do," you scoffed, "Now, onto the matter at hand."

"What is it?"

"My mother told me I have a hidden lisp."

"I knew that already."

"Are you serious?"

"Uh, yeah," she replied.

"You are not fucking with me right now?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then," you demanded, "why the actual fuck did you decide not to tell me?!"

Cate laughed mischievously, "I didn't feel the need to tell you. So why are you worked up about it?"

"Because apparently everyone just decided to keep this information from me."

"Are you insecure about it?" she inquired concernedly.

"Nah," you scoffed, "at least I have something in common with Sarah."

"Hello, I'm literally your girlfriend, and you're talking about another woman in front of me. I think I should probably be jealous."

"Well, somebody decided not to tell me I have a fucking lisp."

Raising an eyebrow at you, she asked, "Is that such a bad thing that I didn't tell you?"

"Yes it is. I feel so betrayed," you replied, pretending to faint into her arms, "My own girlfriend knew I had a lisp and decided not to tell me. And I lived my whole life not knowing I had one!"

"But you don't feel insecure about it?"

"Nope. I just feel really weird now."

"Why would you feel weird?"

"Because I was trying to quote Cordelia's iconic line and then I can't even say it properly!"

Cate chuckled, "Try it on me."

"Satan has one son, but my sisters," you paused, skeptical of your words as the s's coming out as soft hisses became more prominent, "Sisters. Sisters. See, I can't even say it right!"

"Sisters. Not that hard."

"The s's sound so fucking weird!" you whined miserably.

"Well, I think you sound adorable."

"That's not helping."

"Try saying she sells seashells by the seashore."

"She sells seashells by the seashore."

"It's not as bad as when you tried to say sisters."

"I know," you replied, "It's weird, isn't it?"

"At least now that you know you have a lisp, you have an excuse for your unintelligible words when you get excited," Cate said with a grin, brushing your hair away from your face. You smacked her on the arm in response. "I refuse to believe that I'm unintelligible when I'm excited."

"I don't even know what you're talking about half the time."

"That's not true," you retorted, "you kept up just fine when we were talking about pick up lines."

"Well, what can I say? I'm a huge flirt."

"Of course I should know that, I was your guinea pig for all your corny compliments and pick up lines."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"The only good thing that came out of it was that I gained a girlfriend, I guess," you replied with a shrug.

"Ouch, that just sounds like you don't love me anymore."

"I still love you, silly."

"Kiss me first, then I'll believe you."

You rolled your eyes, but pressed a soft kiss to her lips anyway. "Don't think I've forgiven you for keeping that information from me."

"You're kidding me. You're still mad about that?"

"Yes. I grilled all my friends about it, and all of them said the same thing. Everyone fucking knew I had a lisp and yet nobody told me."

"It's not that big a deal."

"It isn't to you! You're not the one who has to bite her tongue when speaking just to regain feeling in it again!"

"Wait," she said, "you do that?"

"Yes, I do. It's weird but that's life," you stated simply, "and that's why I make those weird sounds out of random. Really weird, I know."

"That's not weird, that's fucking adorable," the blonde replied, "I find it really cute when you do those things. Especially when you scrunch your nose up in effort."

"Ew, no. Don't be cheesy."

"I'm not cheesy, just stating the truth."

"Yeah, right."

"Honestly, am I gonna have to kiss you 'til you come back to your senses?"

"Maybe. Let's try it to see if it works."

wc : 789

huge thank you if anybody's reading this book !!

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- mayesha 🤧