drunk fantasies ; one shot book

unimaginable (e. blunt)

tw : mentions of suicide

(y'all gotta listen to the song to get the idea 😔)

Wiping away a stray tear, Emily smiled bitterly at her reflection in the mirror,
and smoothed out her dress. There was still time before she had to leave.

She pressed shuffle on your playlist, one of the only things she had left of you. One of your favorite songs started playing, and she couldn't stop the bout of tears that came with it.

She crawled onto the bed where you would lie with her, where you would kiss her all over, and remind her how much you loved her. There was nothing she wouldn't give just to hear you say those words to her once more.

there are moments that the words don't reach
there is suffering too terrible to name
you hold your child as tight as you can
and push away the unimaginable

How could she have been so blind? Not to notice your empty gaze, your constant sweaters, the way you would never let her see you anything less than fully dressed, all the signs were there, and she blamed herself for your untimely death, because she felt like she hadn't done enough, hadn't told you she loved you enough.

the moments when you're in so deep
it feels easier to just swim down
the Hamiltons move uptown
and learn to live with the unimaginable

Emily missed everything about you. The way you had never really watched Hamilton but knew most of the words to the songs that you'd sing constantly, the way you would smile when she finally caught on to your references, the way a single song could bring so much joy to you, the same songs that she'd never be able to listen to without crying.

She remembered how you studied piano to play that one song, the song that always brought you to tears, but you'd constantly listen to it, nevertheless. How she wished she asked to hear you sing more.

I spend hours in the garden
I walk alone to the store
and it's quiet uptown
I never liked the quiet before
I take the children to church on Sunday
a sign of the cross at the door
and I pray
that never used to happen before

You had always joked about how you wanted everyone to be laughing and smiling at your funeral, but never had she imagined she'd see the day she had to fulfill your wishes.

She was utterly inconsolable after finding your lifeless body in the bathroom, and nothing anyone did could bring back the smile to her face. How could they, she had just lost her best friend, her soulmate, her partner in crime, it felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

if you see him in the street
walking by himself
talking to himself, have pity

Lin knocked softly on the door, seeing his friend in pain was painful for him too. "Hey, Emily? It's time."

Philip, you would like it uptown
it's quiet uptown
he is working through the unimaginable

Drying her eyes, she nodded and followed him out, holding a box filled with papers.

his hair has gone grey
he passes every day
they say he walks the length of the city

You had told her that you wrote letters to people in case you ever died before you were ready to, and seeing the box filled to the brim, it had been a painful kick to the gut, as if the world was reminding her that you were gone, and nothing she did could bring you back.