𝟏𝟏:𝟑𝟗

𝟏𝟏:𝟑𝟗 ; 03B

ALEXANDRA'S

—; August 11 2020, 5:03 PM

"Let's talk." Kiel said.

"There's nothing to talk about, Kiel. I'm gonna go." aalis na sana ako nang bigla akong hinatak ni Kiel. Hindi ba halatang ayaw ko siyang kausapin?!

"I'm here, Lex. I'm here to help. I know the words that you said there earlier are not serious, y-you didn't mean that. Nadala ka lang sa galit mo, y-you know that we're always her—" I scoffed which made him stop what he's saying. What they showed me earlier was already enough to show that they don't care about me.

"Stop the crap, Kiel. I know you just pity me, but I don't need your sympathy right now. Just leave me alone, all of you. That's my wish. Don't mind me, I can handle myself." I said before I left there. I didn't mind to look back, I need to show him that I am strong- that I can handle myself. Deep inside, I know that I can't do that but I don't have any choice. I don't want them to be included into this fucked up mess that I brought myself.

I walked home. Walang kasama, walang kasabay. I'm all alone, I have no one to rely on but myself, and I must get used to it. I will solve this shit myself, I don't want them to be harmed.

Saktong namang bumuhos ang ulan. Sinasabayan ng bawat buhos ng ulan ang pagbuhos ng aking luha. I really want to cry right now, since my pain and tears would not be visible in the rain.

I'm soaking wet, and I'm a fucking mess. Punyetang ulan to! Sinasabayan pa yung drama ko! Mukhang alam ata ni Lord na sobrang lungkot ko ngayon, at umiiyak rin siya katulad ko. I'm really drenched right now, but dali-dali akong umuwi kasi medyo delikado na rin since it's already night time.

Finally, I reached my home. I went inside kahit basang-basa pa ako, I just want to have a warm shower right now. I am heading towards my room when my father stopped me.

"Are you okay? Why are you so wet? Nagpaulan kaba?!" natatarantang tanong nito sa akin but I just gave him my cold look. Now, he's acting like he's concern to me.

"None of your business." I was about to head into my room when he grabbed my wrist. "What's the problem, Alexandra? Why are you always acting like this towards me? I am just concern to you." I looked at him in disbelief.

"If you just showed your concern to Mom back then, then everything would be different. Because of your carelessness, Mom died. So I want you to remember this— Mom and I are one, since you already lost your wife, it means you also lost your daughter." I said as I grabbed my wrist and went to my room. I left him dumbfounded there, as if I really care about him.

I immediately took off my clothes and went to the bathroom. I just want to have a warm shower, since nagpaulan ako kanina.

I opened the shower and let the warm water soak me. I sat down on the floor and cried my heart out. I have no one with me right now, I am so fucking lonely. My friends and my mom, the people that I cherished the most, are already gone. I'm just by myself, struggling and suffering alone. I wish that I will feel again the happiness that I felt in the past, those happy memories that I will not forget no matter what. I just miss them a lot— I miss my friends, and I really miss my mom.

"M-mom." I whispered and tears kept coming out from my eyes. I really miss her, I want her hug right now. Her hug gives me warmth and security, which is what I really need at this moment.

• • • • ❖ • • • •

I continued to cry, until I finally stopped. Naubos na lahat ng luha ko sa kaiiyak, now my eyes are so puffy— which means I'm screwed, because it would be totally visible tomorrow. I then dried myself and went to the bed.

I was just staring at the ceiling, not knowing what to do. Everything is so fucked up right now. I just want to solve this issue so that everything will be back to normal. I don't even know if I can solve it myself, pero ayaw ko silang madamay. Ako ang nagsimula nito, ako dapat ang tatapos.

Unti-unting bumibigat yung mga mata ko, so I closed it. At least by sleeping, I can forget my worries even just for a meantime.

I hope that tomorrow would be alright.