Design of the Heart

10

Morning rolled around and I woke up at like 8:30, I decided to lay in bed instead of get up because Josh was still asleep and I didn't have anything to do.

It was 9:00 when someone knocked on the door.  Josh was still asleep and I decided not to wake him.  I opened the door to be met by a face of beauty.

"Good morning, beautiful how'd you sleep?", I asked welcoming her in.

"Good. You?", she said walking in.

"Fine, it would have been better if Josh hadn't hogged the bed all night", I lauged walking into the kitchen to look for breakfast.

"Oh... you uh... you slept with Josh last night", Jossilyn asked nervously.

"Yeah, I didn't want to make him sleep on the couch when I had a perfectly good bed to myself that was big enough for both of us to use", I said grabbing the eggs from the fridge.

"Riiigggghhhttt",she said still a little hesitant.

"Is there a problem here that I'm not seeing?", I asked cracking three eggs into the skillet on the stove.

"No... no, problem here I just... well, it's just that... never mind I'll just shut up.",Jossilyn said putting bread in the toaster.

"Babe, tell me what's wrong.  I can't fix what you keep to yourself.  You have to talk to me for us to work through things."

"I don't know I guess I'm just confused", she said nervously.

"Ok, I'm going to need more than that Joss.", I said.

"So, I'm not going to lie because I've been thinking a lot about you I decided to google your name and see what popped up."

"Ok, and..."

"Well at first all I saw was pictures of you, your family, and your brand, but then I started looking at some of the articles and they talked about you and Josh.  I looked at your Instagram and you hardly post anyone on it besides you, your sisters, and him.  It kind of looks like y'all are dating, but I'm trying really hard not to think like that because you said that you guys were just friends.  But between the pictures and articles it looks like you guys are more than that.  Plus he flew a little over half way across the country to come visit and stay with you.  I don't know I guess I'm just a little insecure and jealous.  Like I know we are not actually dating, but I was hoping we were on the path towards it.  But I have also seen you flirt with almost everything that has a heart beat since you got here, and now that I know you slept in the same bed with him last night after watching you two flirt yesterday I feel even more angry.  And I don't know if I'm just oblivious or what but I can always seem to tell when you are flirting with everyone else but when it comes to me I feel like you don't flirt as much.  I don't know if that's just my mind playing tricks on me or if I'm actually right.  I like you, that much I know, but I can't seem to read whether you feel the same or not and it's killing me.  I hate watching you with other people, but I know I don't have the right to and that makes me feel bad and stupid and jealous and..."

    "Jossilyn stop!", I shouted cutting her off.  "Look, the first thing I want to say is that you should never feel stupid or selfish about having any kind of feelings towards any kind of situation no matter what it may be.  You have the right to feel however you want, and even if the other person or people involved don't agree it doesn't matter because your feelings are valid and they matter.  The important thing is to not bottle up those emotions.  I  see where you're coming from, ok, I know that I have a flirty personality.  I always have, and I understand that can be frustrating for people at times and I am sorry.  I don't flirt with you the way I do with every other random that I have a conversation with because I don't see you the same way I see them, you are worth more to me than a cheap flirty line that I use with everyone else.  Yes, I did kiss you last night because I like you, and yes it did mean something to me.  No matter what anyone may think of me I do not just go around making out with anyone and everyone.  You are actually the first person I've kissed since my last boyfriend.  I know that we didn't establish anything last night because I didn't want to overwhelm you after kissing you, plus I didn't know how you felt about it and was too nervous to ask.  Yes, I did sleep with Josh, but I promise you that it didn't mean anything it just didn't feel right making him sleep on the couch when we both know that we are only friends and that's all we will ever be.  Trust me if I were going to date Josh I would have done it already because he has been coming over to my house since we were little, and our mom's have been trying to get us to date since we were like 12 so trust me nothing is going to happen there.  Jossilyn, I also want you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you or make you feel jealous, selfish, or any other type of negative way, but that doesn't mean that some things that happen won't come across that way to you and I want you to know that no matter what it is I will not get mad at you for telling me how you feel.  I only ever want what makes you happy.  Even if that means that we are only friends, but I want you to know that I want more and I'm not going anywhere no matter how hard you try to push me away."

"I don't want to push you away, Anna, in fact that is the last thing I want to do.  I would love to be more than friends with you, it's just that I feel like I don't really know how your world works, or how to fit in with your crowd.  I don't come from money like you do.  I don't go to galas or create clothing.  I go to bonfires on the beach and lifeguard."

"You don't have to worry about knowing how to fit in with the people around me because honestly I hate most of them because of how fake they are, and as far as gala's are concerned they are all just big publicity stunts for rich people to beg for money for their foundations and I hate going to them.  I literally only go because my parents make me and honestly I don't even like going around talking to people.  I only talk to the people my parents tell me I have to be seen with for the night and then I leave or sit at the table for the night.  Trust me my world isn't as glamorous as you might think.", I said getting the plates down and handing her one.

"It actually kind of sucks sometimes if you want me to be honest.  Everyone is always watching and waiting for you to be as good as or top what your parents have done, or in Anna's case to produce a line that is better than the last and then still top that one next time.", Josh said from across the room, startling us both. 

"Josh, I didn't know you were awake", I said grabbing him a plate as well.

"That's because I just woke up, but I smelled breakfast so I decided to come out and see if there was anything left.  Sorry I didn't know you had company or I'd have stayed in the bedroom."

"Oh no it's fine we were just talking, and breakfast just got done actually.  I made you and egg and Jossilyn did the toast."

"Well dang I could get used to this.  Are you sure I can't stay for more than a weekend?", Josh teased as he got his breakfast.

"No, as much as I love you Josh I came here to get away from everyone and everything back home so you're leaving as soon as the weekend is over and our mother's are satisfied.", I laughed.

"Plus don't even try telling me that you don't have chefs where you live.  I may not know much about you, but I do know that you don't cook for yourself at home.", Jossilyn laughed as she got her plate as well.

"Fair enough, plus I never want to sleep in the same bed as you ever again.  You are so restless and I swear to God I thought you were dying at least twice.", Josh said laughing.

We all three spent the rest of the day at the house and chilling on the beach out back.  It was fun, and Josh made sure to leave sometimes to give Jossilyn and I some alone time which was nice.

Evening came and Jossilyn went home, and Josh and I spent it watching Netflix shows until we both passed out.