The Emperor's Concubine

Chapter Forty-Three

"Are you hurt, my lady?" Lance asks, examining me.
"I'm fine... Where's Hayden? Where's Cethin, Eli, and Petunia?" My eyes water as I think about the damage done.
"The assassins are being treated at the moment. They'll be brought to their rooms after the healers help them." Lance wipes my hands with a wet towel.
"But what about Hayden?"

Biting his inner cheek, Lance forces a small smile as he continues wiping the dirt. My eyes water with tears as I notice his refusal to speak.

"Please Lance... He was covered in blood, please tell me." I plead.
"Sir Hayden is being looked after."
"Lance, you know what I want to ask." I pull my hand away, trying to take any distractions away, "His injuries are bad, aren't they?..."

I softly sob, my head pounding as the worst situations come to mind. Giving a small sigh, Lance looks at the bowl of soapy water by his side. Glancing at me as I wait for him to reply, he gives a small—barely noticeable—nod.

Watching the fickle nod, I can no longer control myself as I sob from the concerned look in his eyes. Feeling a tightness in my chest from fear and despair, I tightly wrap my arms around myself as I question the severity of his injuries.

"P-Please take me to him... H-He could die, and it'll be because of me. Lance, please let me see him." I stammer, feeling my heart drop as the vivid sight of blood comes to mind.

Giving a pained expression, Lance can only silently shake his head.

"I'm sorry Lady Luna, that's something I cannot allow. He explicitly said to not to let anyone visit."
"T-Then what about Cabel? He could speak to Hayden to let me visit."
"His majesty left this morning for work... We sent word about the incident, but it'll take him a few days to return..."
"Then please just speak to Hayden for me. If he has serious injuries and could even pass away, I want to see him again."
"Lady Luna... I understand how you feel, but Sir Hayden is fighting to stay alive. His wishes were to be alone, and the healer is the only one he permitted to see him. I'm concerned too, but I know that Sir Hayden, is not a man who'd let these injuries take his life. We need to respect his wishes and give him the space he needs." Lance sternly speaks, before wiping away my tears with a handkerchief.
"I-I'm sorry... You're right... I'm so sorry." I cry, covering my face with my hands.

Unable to comfort me, Lance silently sits beside me as I sob.


Days pass as I'm left alone in the palace—my body and mind numbed as I can only recall the blood dripping from Hayden as he walked away that day. Visiting Cethin, Eli, and Petunia who all grow better each day, my heart aches the minutes I remain alone.

My anxiousness grows every moment I don't hear back from Lance about Hayden's health, the loneliness creeping over me as I question how useless I am in this situation—and how it's all my fault they're injured.

Nightmares begin to haunt me as the days pass. Each night I lay my head down, the memories of being chained return. Micheal's cold-lifeless eyes come to mind, reminding me just how helpless I am to his strength.


Eating alone in the dining room, all I can do is sigh as I look to Cabel's empty seat across the table. Unable to escape this empty and lonely feeling, I lose my appetite as anxious thoughts return.

"My lady, are you not hungry again?" Lance questions with concern, watching as I stand from my seat.
"No... I'd like to take a walk." I whisper in a tired voice.
"My lady, you shouldn't leave the palace right now, the gardens are still a mess and being repaired."
"Okay... I'll return to my room then, thank you for dinner." I feign a smile.

Leaving the dining room, I pass maids and butlers who are all busy—attempting to clean up the palace from the aftermath. Staring out the hallway windows at the stars, my eyes water as I walk through the halls absent minded.

Deep in thought, I place my hands on a door handle, entering the room. Looking around confused, I scoff as my heart tightens.

"Why did I come here?" I whisper to myself.

I sigh, finding myself in Cabel's office. Stepping inside, the office grows more empty and cold.

"I really miss you, Cabel." I whisper, my eyes watering as I stare at his desk, "What do I do?... It's my fault everyone's hurt... I know you'd say otherwise, but I can't tell myself it's okay... I can't tell myself that when Hayden might die because of me."

My chest feeling unbearably tight, I step outside to the office balcony—hoping to feel less suffocated by the feelings that follow me. Leaning on the railing, I look up to see the moon shining brightly as it illuminates the balcony.

"Hayden, please be okay." I whisper, my throat tightening.


"Luna?" A voice calls out from behind.

Quickly turning around at the familiar voice, my eyes widen.

"H-Hayden?" I call out, tears falling from my eyes as he walks onto the balcony with pained steps, "Y-You shouldn't be up! Why did you come here?" I sob, quickly running to support him to stand.

Looking down at me with a gentle smile, my heart aches as I notice the cold sweat on his brow—feigning a calmed expression, it's evident he's supressing his pain to not worry me further. Softly chuckling, he gently moves to pet my hair.

"Were you worried about me?" He softly asks, swallowing a pained breath.
"Is that even a question? Of course I was worried! I-I didn't know if you were going to die, no one would tell me how you were doing, and it made me worry more! I was so scared if I'd never see you again!" I sob harder, looking back at him.

Flashing a pained expression, he flinches to hunch over subtly—gripping the blue gem of his necklace.

"A-Are you okay?" I call out, touching his arm as he takes a sharp breath.
"I'm fine... Are you okay?" He asks.
"You protected me, of course I'm okay. But, I would rather get hurt than have you be injured like this!" I wipe my eyes, noticing his eyebrow twitch slightly.
"Luna... I need to tell you, I've been lying to you... Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" Whispering in a soft tone, Hayden looks down at me with melancholic eyes.

Shaking my head confused by his sudden question, I try to lead him inside.

"I-I don't care what you lied to me about! You're injured, we can talk about this later when you're better."
"I can't... I have no time to leave... I'm sorry." His expression twisting in pain, he flashes a solemn smile.

Almost falling from losing his strength, he leans against me—embracing me in a tight hug. His arms wrapped around my lower back, I notice the tremble in his hands. Confused by his sudden affection, I try to step back—yet his hold refuses to budge as his breathing grows haggard.

Seconds pass until his breathing settles, his tense body quickly relaxing as his embrace loosens.

"Hayden? What's going on? I don't understand."
"I'm sorry..." His voice whispers—my eyes widening as the tone of his voice resembles the man I've been missing.

His arms loosely release me as he takes a step back, my mind emptying as I look back at the man I've longed to see.

"C-Cabel?" I whisper, confused by the situation as I take a step back, "W-What just happened?"
"It's a long story- Ugh." Gripping his chest, his jaw clenches as he fights through the pain.
"You- But Hayden was just here? I-I don't understand."
"I-I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you... I wanted to tell you the moment I felt feelings for you, but I was a coward."
"What?" I whisper, unable to comprehend his words.
"Hayden never existed... When my powers awoke, many people died that day." Cabel explains in a sullen tone, "One of the victims that died... Their soul was absorbed into this artifact."

Ripping off his necklace, he holds out the blue gem.

"If I infuse my aura into it, I transform to take on how the person looked..." He solemnly explains.
"I-I don't understand... It's a disguise? B-But it's a soul? But why would you use such a thing? Why did you disguise yourself?"
"Because there were times that I wanted to escape who I was. Disguising myself to go out was the only small peace I could have." A pitiful expression appears as Cabel thinks to himself, biting his lip from the anxious thoughts, "When we first met, I was taking a break. I didn't think I would run into you again, but you kept appearing—and eventually captivated me as Hayden... Once I knew you as myself, as Cabel, you made me experience strange emotions... I wanted to tell you the truth, but I never knew how. I wanted to tell you once I realized I was falling in love with you, but I was afraid."
"Wait, what? You?..." I trail off as overwhelming emotions hit me.

Looking back at Cabel who silently thinks to himself, he gives a slight nod.

"I love you..." He whispers, his expression filled with a gentleness yet anxious pain, "I was worried you were afraid of me, and kept seeing you as Hayden since you were close with him... I wanted to spend time with you, but I was scared you'd hate me if I told you the truth. I'm sorry I lied, I wanted to be honest and tell you at the right time, but I can't hide as him forever—not when my mana's so weak right now."
"I-I don't know what to say... I cared about you, I-I cared about Hayden."
"I'm still Hayden who you care for. I'm still Cabel who you care for. Does it matter, when I care for you as you are, regardless of who I am?" Gently clasping my hands in his, he earnestly speaks with a look of longing.
"Y-You're still you, but you lied. I-I told Hayden personal things, I confided in him."
"I was the one you confided in, and you still grew close to the me who's standing here. Why does it matter who you confided to, when you trusted me? Not for my looks, not for my status, you trusted who I was as a person, no matter how I looked."
"B-Because I don't know!" Ripping my hands out of his grasp, I grow lightheaded trying to make sense of my thoughts and feelings,"Cabel... It's just confusing to find out Hayden—someone I cherished as a friend—was never real."
"Did you love him?" Cabel abruptly questions, pausing as he stares at me.
"What?"
"Did you love him? Are you disappointed Hayden was me all along?"
"What? I-I didn't say that."
"You don't need to... The things I've done as the emperor makes it hard to see me in a positive light, right?"

Taken aback by his words, I stammer as I try to think about what he means.

"The emperor is someone who killed and ruined many people... Hayden is a guard that doesn't have such a past attached to him... It's better to love someone without such a terrible past right?" Flashing a solemn self-deprecating smile, his eyes sharpen as he looks back at me, "I understand that it's hard to reciprocate my feelings when the rumours about me were true. It just kills me that Hayden's a better man in your eyes, someone that can stand beside you without his past getting in the way—someone that I'll never be... I was afraid to tell you the truth incase those fears were true... So, I understand. You can't respond to me the same."

Feigning a smile, his eyes glisten with a sorrowful gaze. Looking up at the night sky, the moon illuminating the glimpse of his desolate expression—he quickly turns to leave the balcony.

"C-Cabel, wait! It's not like that!" I shout, attempting to chase after him.

Just before I can reach him, the balcony doors slam closed. Thin spikes erupted from the shadows, block the door from moving. Turning the door knob to pull and push as hard as I can to chase after him, I can only bang on the door to get his attention.

"C-Cabel, please wait!" I cry out, panicked as I watch his back grow further in the dimmed office, "I-I've never thought of you like that! Please!"

Just as he leaves the office, tears wet my cheeks as he disappears from view without a glance back. The office empty with only the lingering loneliness left behind, I fall to my knees as I try to wrap my head around what just happened.