The Emperor's Concubine

Chapter Forty-Four

"Lady Luna? Would you like some tea?" Magnolia asks with concern.
"No, I'm okay." I sigh, leaning against the sofa.

Staring at the ceiling, my chest aches as the thoughts of that evening come to mind. My heart aching from how desperate Cabel was to escape me—I question just how much pain I've caused him.

"Well, would you like an early dinner then? Please eat something, my lady." She persuasively questions, her eyes filled with worry.
"I will later... I wish to sit here and do nothing for now." I solemnly reply.
"Yes, my lady... Well, I'll return later then." Quietly bowing her head, she cautiously leave my bedroom.

Unable to help but sigh constantly, my mind runs with thoughts about Cabel. I look around at my bedroom in the golden palace—the feeling of distance between us, strongly evident. Since that night, I was ordered to move back into the golden palace, unable to see or speak to Cabel about that night.

"You didn't even let me tell you how I felt..." I whisper, feeling my eyes water, "Why did you leave so quickly?"

Recalling how sullen he was that night, I stand, pacing my room to suppress my sadness for a moment.

Catching the corner of my eye, I notice the cream cape that sits on a chair by the window. Picking up Hayden's cape, a pained smile grows on my lips. Unable to stare at it without my tears welling more, I move to place it in the back of my wardrobe.

In the corner of my eye, I notice a box in the back of the wardrobe. My hands trembling as I'm reminded of the past, I hesitantly take the box out—holding up the gown I wore at my first ball. The first moment I set my eyes on Cabel, the first time we spoke that night—my chest aches as I reminisce over those moments.

"Cabel... I miss you." I whisper, clutching the gown close to my chest.

Unable to hold myself back, I succumb to the sadness and silently cry to myself.


As time passes and it feels like I've run out of tears to cry, I take a sharp inhale. My eyes feeling puffy and sore, I shake my head at my foolishness—returning the gown to the back of the wardrobe.

"Psst." A voice calls out with a gentle knock.

Glancing over to a window, a sigh escapes my lips. Standing exhausted, I can't help but drag my feet as I walk.

"What is it now?" I call out, opening the window.

Suddenly jumping off the roof to land on the window sill, Cethin appears with a large grin on his lips as he gives a small wave.

"Hey now, don't be so sad." Cethin enters, following me inside.
"I'm not trying to be sad on purpose." I sigh, lying in bed as I turn my back to him.
"Why? Are you sad for getting banished to the golden palace? It's still a palace, a lot better than the shit-holes I used to live in."
"Cethin, it's not remotely close to that." I sit up, looking back at him, "I'm happy being in a place where I'm not constantly scared, I'm happy with a place where I can be free and not have to worry about being hurt. I found that place, thanks to Cabel, but now it seems like none of it matters because he hates me."

Cautiously moving to sit on the bed, he crosses his legs as he listens to me.

"Damn... Where the hell did you used to live?" He scoffs, trying to lighten the mood.
"That's not the point of my story." I grumble, rolling my eyes, "I felt safe with Cabel. It was the first time in my life, where someone made me feel safe... He treated me like a person, respected me, and always acted considerately to me—and I made him hate me."
"What makes you think that? Wanna share what happened?" He dubiously asks. 
"Because you were right. You were right that Hayden had a secret, you were right that it was a huge secret! But how was I supposed to react to find out Cabel was actually Hayden? -"
"Woah, woah, woah. What?" Cethin's jaw drops.
"Hayden was just the emperor in disguise. That's the secret you knew, wasn't it?"
"Hell no! I just knew he had a secret, didn't think it was this! Damn, so how did that get you kicked from his palace?"
"Well, he told me the truth and then confessed his feelings... He assumed that his past would make it impossible for me to have feelings for him, and thought I loved Hayden because I couldn't respond."
"So, he's mad cause he loves you, right?"
"He probably doesn't love me anymore." I sigh, my chest tightening as I recall his pained expression.
"Oh dear. Chicky, you got a lot of learning to do. Those books you read won't do everything for you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that you're stupid. He can't stop loving you in a few days, he's heartbroken right now."
"What? Are you messing with me?"
"I'm really not, I swear." Holding his hands up as if claiming innocence, he gives a shrug, "He cares about you a lot, Chicky. He's hurt cause the woman he loves, loves the disguise he uses. How would it make you feel?"
"I-I don't know."
"Really think about it. Wouldn't you be sad if your past was a reason why someone didn't love you?"
"I-I mean I guess, but he didn't give me a chance to explain." Holding my head, I frown as I think about how quickly he left.
"He was probably afraid you'd confirm his assumption."

Ruminating on Cethin's comment, the emperor's actions seem to make more sense. Questioning how he left without letting me explain, I realize the sullen expression of his was mixed with anxiousness.

"But, I still cared about him when I found out his past, it didn't change how I felt about him. Even if I did have feelings for Hayden, it would mean I have feelings for him! I couldn't take in anything he said—I was so blindsided and couldn't speak properly." I throw myself back down on the bed, hiding under the blankets.
"And I thought I was dramatic, yeesh. Listen up, Chicky. He loves you and thinks you only love Hayden, but you love him already -"

I shoot up to sit, staring back at Cethin.

"What? W-Why do you know that?" I quickly interrupt.
"Oh my god, you're really stupid. Anyone with the ability of sight, can see you like him! Jeez, it might as well be written on your forehead that you love him."
"What? N-No it's not like that! -"
"Listen Chicky, I don't know who you're trying to kid. I can see in your eyes."
"See what in my eyes?" I stare at Cethin, dumbfounded as he moves to sit closer.

Staring deep into my eyes, he flashes a small grin.

"Well, I have some abilities. You might know that some people are born gifted with abilities or powers. His majesty can make shadows do whatever, but me? I can see people's souls."
"W-What do you mean?"
"I can feel someone's soul and read it. When I read people's souls, I also see how they feel. When I see yours, it shows me warm colours that make me feel happy. I see the emperor in your eyes, surrounded with those warm happy colours. That tells me all I need to know that you love the emperor, so much so, that your heart and soul pulls to him. Make sense, Chicky?"
"I think so? Wait, how would you know Hayden had a secret then?"
"I couldn't see him in your soul. For some reason, he didn't have an aura around him. Who you hang out with, your aura's mix with each others—which is why your aura has traces of the emperor's soul, and vice versa. Usually people with no auras sold their souls to a demon or are just weak in power, but even normal ability-less people have an aura. I could tell you were close with Hayden, but he didn't leave a hint of his aura. Even when I saw him in person, I couldn't feel anything either. I assumed the secret was that he was a demon, but it makes more sense knowing he was disguised."
"Wouldn't it still show Cabel's aura when he pretends to be Hayden?"
"Most of the time for those who transform, it should show the original aura—but the emperor's powers are exceptionally strong. He can probably mask it and especially when he's Hayden, he masks it well. Probably didn't want to risk being caught in a disguise by anyone. Only downside is, when he's disguised his mana probably drops like crazy and eventually it'll eat his soul and kill him."
"What? Is he crazy? Is that why he was sick last time?" I shout, sitting up straight as I recall the times Cabel's complexion looked ill.
"Well, yeah. He probably spent too long being transformed when he was with you. Even when that crazy guy came, his mana was dangerously low when they first started fighting. I felt the vibrations of someone's aura going in and out of hiding, but whenever it was noticeable, Hayden looked in pain. His mana probably emptied which made it impossible to use his abilities or heal himself unless he let his mana eat his soul. But, since he was stupid and stayed transformed, it began eating his soul anyways. It's probably why he struggled to use his powers, he physically couldn't."
"He's so ridiculous... How could he do something like that! Does he not care that he could die? What would I do if he died! How can he be such a fool?" I jump out of bed pacing, infuriated and worried.

Cethin grins, softly chuckling at my reaction.

"What? Why are you laughing?" I scowl, feeling like he's making fun of me.
"Cause that's all anyone needs to hear to know that you love him."
"Huh?"
"You care about him a lot. You got mad he got hurt for you, you get flustered when you're with him or think of him, and here you are moping around—missing the lil' old emperor."
"D-Don't say it so loud like that!" I stammer, covering my red face from his sight.
"What's the big deal, is it a secret? Is he in the room with us?" He sarcastically teases.
"N-No! I just... I haven't had a chance to process my feelings, I can't help but feel embarrassed."
"Why would you feel embarrassed? It's your feelings, are they not?"
"Well, yes but when you point it out like that, isn't natural for anyone to get embarrassed?"

Sighing deeply—in a dramatic yet teasing way—Cethin crosses his arms and thinks for a moment. Reaching a decision, he meets my eyes with a strong look of resolution.

"Alright Chicky, this is what you're gonna do. You're going to go over there and demand he see you, and sort this whole thing out."
"I've tried, but the guards have orders to keep me in the golden palace." I sigh, turning down his suggestion.
"Ha! So he's gonna cage you up like a chicken?" Scoffing, Cethin snickers as he holds out his hand, "Alright, I'll help ya. Write a letter, and I'll deliver it to him."
"About what? That I like him?"
"No! Save it to say in person. Just write saying how you want to meet in person to talk over the misunderstanding."
"What if he says no?"
"He won't. It'll take time for him to come, but he's crazy about you so I doubt he'd make you wait. Just be honest, and don't give him a chance to run away again."

Staring back at Cethin who wears a snarky expression—a smile grows on my lips.

"What? Why are you staring like that?" Cethin questions, looking back at me as if I'm crazy.

Softly giggling, I shake my head before moving to hug him. His body jumps from my embrace but he slowly wraps his arms around me too.

"Thank you... You're a really kind person." I smile, looking back at him.

His cheeks begin to faintly blush as he averts his eyes. Scratching his head awkwardly, he shrugs.

"Yeah... Thanks, you too I guess..."
"Me too?" I question.
"Well, without your plan, we wouldn't have found a place to call home... So thanks, you're a pretty kind person too." Cethin mutters, slightly embarrassed.

Softly giggling as I grow comforted by Cethin, I gain the courage to sit at the table—beginning to write a letter.

Upon finishing it, Cethin flashes a reassuring smile—leaving from the window. Moving too quick for me to follow, he disappears beyond the palace roof. Nervous as I think about what Cabel's reaction will be to the letter, I close my eyes and pray that he'll give me a chance to talk.