The Emperor's Concubine

Chapter Seventy-Four

Spending hours reviewing the materials, I take a break only when my hand begins to cramp from writing. Admiring the many sheets of notes I wrote out, I feel a sense of accomplishment—as if warmly comforted by the fact that my future now seems vast and limitless.
Taking a sip of my tea, I bask in feeling content for the first time.

"Psst."

I look around the room, confused by the muffled sound.

A light knocking taps on my window.
I turn to see Cethin on the window sill, getting drenched with rain.

"Oh my goodness!" I rush to the window, unlocking it.
Cethin jumps in, shaking the water off.
"W-What are you doing here?" I exclaim, grabbing a towel as I try to dry his soaked hair.
"What are you doing here?" Cethin shouts, his expression twisted with anger.
Taken aback as I notice the frustration he holds, I stammer trying to think of what to say.
"I went to see you, but only saw your empty room, how could you leave without saying anything? How could you disappear like that?"
"I-I know... I'm sorry, it happened so suddenly, I didn't mean to disappear." I explain.
"But you did. I thought we were friends?" He scoffs.
"Cethin, we are... A lot happened."
"Just what the hell happened? Why are you here?" Cethin roughly grabs the towel from my hands, throwing it to the ground.

Scrutinizing my reaction as he waits for an answer, I can't help but feel the cold numbing feeling in my chest grow more prominent.
Even as I wish to avoid recalling it, the pained look on Cethin's face, guilts me as I know he deserves an explanation.

Sighing as I feel an aching turmoil grow, I lead him to the table.
Sitting him down, I stammer for a moment.

"Cethin... My title as a concubine was taken away." I feign a smile, sitting down in my chair as I prepare to relive the grief again, "His highness returned my previous title and told me to leave."
"What the hell?" He mutters, visibly trying to wrap his brain around my words, "What do you mean he gave it back, why would he do that?"
"Because I'm not useful to him..." My throat chokes up as the feelings I tried not to focus on, begin to resurface.
"What do you mean?" His tone becoming softer as he notices my sorrow, he gives me a sympathetic stare as I try to force out the words.
"It just... It was all a lie... He never loved me, he just wanted to use me..." I mumble, trying to keep calm as I explain, "He told me to become queen, only to give him more time to decide a candidate to become empress. He told me he could take everything away from me when I rejected it. I became worthless to him the moment I refused to obey him, so how can that be love?"
"If he didn't love you, why else would he return your past title? He could have easily kicked you out without anything on your back, so why would he return your nobility?"
"I-I don't know..." I stammer, taken aback as I can only question why he did it.
"Why did he do everything to save you back then? Why else do you think he hired us just to protect you?"
"I-I don't know!" I exclaim, unable to hear more.

My eyes welling with tears, I clench my fists as my head goes dizzy from speculating again.
"Cethin, please... I-I can't be naive anymore... I can't trick myself into thinking I mean something to him, when he made it clear that I don't."
"But he's been irritable and merciless, come to find out that it started when you left."
"He could be upset for other things—"
"Luna, the only times I've seen him driven by his emotions, is when it involves you."
Taken aback by his persuasive tone, the numbness instantly turning into a tight-sharp pain.
"It doesn't matter anymore..." I whisper, glancing at my notes that remind me of the cut ties with Cabel, "I don't belong to him, I have no right to remain in his life anymore—he doesn't want me in his life."
"Are you sure?" Cethin dubiously asks, "You can try to talk to him again, maybe he'll change his mind."
"I don't want to."
"Why? I can ask him for you then, but how can you accept this without even trying to work it out?"
"Because I did ask." I scoff, feeling frustrated as I watch Cethin try to persuade me, "He refused to explain anything, he made it clear that I have no right to expect his answers. So, why should I subject myself to it again?"
Looking back at his desperate expression, he runs his hair through his hair as he sighs.