The Emperor's Concubine

B.2 Chapter Twenty-Three

I sit, leaning against Cabel on the bed.
Lance, Magnolia, and Cethin are gathered in the room, along with a healer who holds my hand.
"Lady Luna's aura has fully returned." The healer happily announces.
Everyone grows relieved, their eyes tearing up.
"Oh thank goodness! My lady, I've been so worried about you!" Magnolia begins crying more, wiping her eyes.
I give a smile, warmed by everyone's tears.
"She'll be fine though?" Cabel asks the healer.
"Yes, though her powers seemed to have fully healed her, we do have to be cautious. She's still weak from not getting physical food, and from not moving for a while. Her muscles will stabilize once she moves around, until then she should speak with a doctor for a plan." The healer smiles, standing as he bows.
"Thank you, I'll call a carriage for you." Lance speaks up, assisting the healer.
"While you're at it, call the physician." Cabel calls out.
"Yes, your highness."
"May glory of Helios rest upon you." The healer bows, exiting the room.
Cabel wraps his arm around my shoulders, holding me closer.
"I was thinking you'd be like that forever." Cethin sighs, scratching his head.
"Even if I was, would you still sit and hang out with me?" I ask, giggling lightly.
Cethin freezes, blushing out of embarrassment.
"Well, obviously..." Cethin averts his eyes, his face combusting into a vibrant red shade.
"My lady, would you like something to drink?" Magnolia asks.
"I'm okay for now. I'm sorry for worrying you." I smile, leaning my head against Cabel.
"I'm just relieved you're okay! It was scary when you were gone-" Magnolia cuts her sentence off.
I stare as Magnolia grows pale. Cethin looks away growing uncomfortable.
A sharp vibration seeps through my body.
I look back at Cabel, his aura growing stronger as he coldly glares at Magnolia.
"Enough. Don't scare her like that." I click my tongue, swatting Cabel's hand.
Cabel looks back at me, his brows furrowed.
"But-"
"It's fine. It's not something we can avoid talking about. Were you this mean while I was gone?" I cut him off, narrowing my eyes as I glare at him.
Cabel looks back at me, pausing as he thinks to himself.
A sigh escapes my lips.
"Honestly, you need to control your anger. I'm fine talking about such things, and especially with people I'm close with. I don't mind talking about what happened. So relax, okay?" I give Cabel a slight smile.
He sighs, nodding.

"Lady Luna will need to stick to a diet of porridge, and soups in the mornings. For lunch and dinner she may eat soft solid foods such as braised meats, vegetables, and fruits." The physician smiles, writing down a list.
"What about beverages and physical movements?" Cabel asks.
"Any beverage is fine as long as they aren't caffeinated drinks. As for her plan to move, I suggest she does gentle stretches, light easy workouts, go on one to three walks a day, and every now and then she should have massages. She should stick to this plan for two weeks, and then I'll come back again to check her health and change her plan."
"We can train together and help you." Cethin speaks up, shrugging.
"Will everyone be okay with that? I'll be going back to the basics again." I sigh, tilting my head.
"It's fine, you know how to do everything anyways. Think of it as doing it from the beginning, but with experience." Cethin grins, snickering.
"I suppose I'll need to find some more workers to help." Cabel scoffs, rolling his eyes.
"This is the schedule she should stick to, as well as a list of effective massages and stretches." The doctor stands, handing Lance the papers, "Please call me in a few weeks to check your health again. May glory of Helios rest upon you." He bows, leaving the room.
"Give us a moment alone." Cabel calls out.
"Yes, your highness." Lance gestures for Magnolia and Cethin to leave with him.
They bow, leaving quietly.
"Why did you call them to leave?" I ask.
"I know I've had moments with you alone before, but you're back and I want to savour our moment." Cabel hugs me, wrapping his arms around me.
"Were you scared?" He whispers.
I hug him back, leaning my head against his shoulder.
"I.. I was." I reply, my eyes welling up with tears.
"I... I'm sorry... I couldn't even save you."
I listen to his voice, filled with pain.
His arms tighten around me.
"I..."
'I'm glad you didn't rescue me.'
I hug him back, unable to speak the sentence out loud.
"It's okay. I'm fine, aren't I?" I speak, reassuring him.
He nods, burying his face into my neck.

I sit in bed, Cethin sitting beside me as I heal his injuries.
He looks up at me, deep in thought.
"Cethin? Why do you keep staring at me?" I ask, finishing to heal him.
He pauses.
He clears his throat, looking down at his hands.
"You... You killed that man." He mutters.
My eyes widen, my heart uncomfortably tightens as I think of that memory.
All I can do is slightly nod, presenting a reassuring smile.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to bring it up but I need to ask... How? How did you even do any of that?" Cethin questions, baffled.
"Do what?"
"How did you kill him? I know you hate the thought of stuff like that... It was like it wasn't even you."
I take a deep breath.
I knew this conversation was bound to happen, and Cethin deserves an answer the most.
I steel my nerves and smile.
"Because it wasn't..." I shrug.
"What do you mean?"
"It was me, but I couldn't control my actions... At the time, I was angered. All the haunting memories of my childhood were the only thing occupying my mind... When I came, I didn't see the wizard choking you, from my point of view at the time... I saw my father."
"Your father?"
"I guess you need to know the story..."
I continue telling Cethin of my past, every haunting memory that he never knew.
All he knew were things relating to my brother, but never fully what my parents had done.
"And so, I remember waking up to be in that same dungeon. I saw my father and he kept calling me weak, telling me how I should have killed them myself if I hated them. So when I woke up again, I saw my father choking my younger self. I felt angry and hateful, and didn't realize what I was doing. I killed him but suddenly before he died, I saw the wizard in the place of where my father should have been... I didn't save you because I knew you were in danger, I only saw my childhood self in your place. I wanted to take my revenge against my father, but I couldn't see the reality until I killed the wizard."
I glance at Cethin, a tear drips down his cheek as he listens to the story.
"You... I'm sorry." He whispers through his pained voice.
I stare at him, shaking my head.
"There's nothing to be sorry for." I gently speak up.
"It doesn't matter... You went through so many traumatic experiences that you shouldn't have, and to think you're killing your father when it wasn't him must have made you felt confused and lost."
A slight smile grows on my lips.
"I did... I feel like a monster, but honestly..." I take a deep breath, staring at my hands, "I... I didn't want to be rescued."
"What do you mean?"
"I was scared, petrified even. But, I was tired of having to be rescued all the time. The one thing my parents were right about, is that I'm weak... It still haunts me killing him, but I escaped with my own hands, and protected you in the process, even if I didn't realize I was."
"You don't hate yourself for it?"
"I did... But not anymore. Do you hate yourself for killing my brother?"
Cethin pauses.
He looks away thinking to himself, before looking back at me.
"No. I felt happy and relieved that I killed the man who caused you pain."
A light chuckle escapes my throat as I nod.
"It haunts me, and it makes me feel like a monster, but to kill the man who tried killing you, who hurt me for those weeks... It felt good." I smile.
Instantly, a tear drips down my face as I speak the words I never wanted to say out loud.
I wipe my eyes as they build up more with tears.
Cethin's hand rests on my head, stroking my hair.
"It doesn't make you a monster, y'know... I know it haunts you, but if it wasn't for you, I would be dead. So don't ever think anyone would think less of you now, especially me."
"I know everyone doesn't think less of me... But how do I continue feeling like I did something good, when I know it was awful?"
Cethin snickers, twirling a strand of my hair with his fingers.
"It is what it is... The only one who's beating you up the most is yourself. You can't rewind time and take it back, and if you did, I would be dead. Even if you didn't kill him, his highness came soon after and if that wizard was near, or alive by then, he would've killed him himself. Death by your hands or death by someone else's hands, either way he would have died."
I nod, grasping his hand.
"Thank you..." I whisper, my eyes tearing up as a weight begins lifting off my shoulders.
He nods, smiling back at me. His other hand wiping my eyes that build up with tears.