Well Dunn

PART 31

" Date him ?"

She nods her head. " I've wanted to do so for so long." I nod and put a tiny smile on my face. 

I really enjoy Wales. I enjoy the sunshine, the landscape but beyond eveything, I enjoy being free. I feel like nothing is holding me back. Freedom. Everything seems so far away, we have so much space. I feel like a little portion of the universe, but of a pure universe you know, not this universe where you are being pushed and pressured. 

Devesh's voice awakes me from my reverie. 

" GIRLS IN DA CAR ! NOW ! We're leaving. " 

I keep on staring at the landscape, the hills, the sky and I look at Devesh and say with a really small voice that you nearly couldn't hear " I don't want to go, it's so beautiful here. " 

He comes right next to me and stares at the landscape without a word. Sadie looks at the landscape too. Devesh breaks the silence " it's just that, it doesn't feel near." I nod. He continues " How can we be so near from home but in the time so far from home ? " I shrug my shoulders. I add " I just don't wan't to go back to life." They all stop staring at the landscape and instead stare at me. I giggle. " You know what I mean, UCAS ? Dailylife shit ? Worries ? " I think of Kemi and her dad, Sadie and her illness, is she gonna make it ? Did she took pills ? Does she plan to tell it to James ? So many questions in my head.

Sadie says " Whatever, we'll have to face it anyway." 

Dev nods and asks us to go into the car. 

The car travel is not as fun as the first one, when we were going there, we were singing and everything and I slept but now, I'm just staring at the window and thinking. UCAS. FUTURE. LIFE. 

Should I attend to the law school or should I attend to my writing degree ? Maybe my mother is right, she knows what is the best, what do I know about life ? I'm so young to claim that i know what my future will be. How will my life look like in five years ? Ten years ? I don't know a thing about it. Who will I hang out with ? What will I do to live ? I don't know anything. I really don't. 

I suddenly realize the possibility of a future without Sadie. How can she hide it ? How can she act like everything is normal ? I can't be happy, she can be taken away in a second ... But even without cancer she still would be able to got away in a second. My mind is going crazy. My bestfriend has a cancer and she is hiding it to basically everyone. When I asked her why she said that she did not want pity. Maybe she did not want me to worry. I don't even feel betrayed about her hiding it from me from the begining, it's her health.  She knows why she needed to be silent. But I'm so worried. I know that she is, how can she even think about UCAS when she is that ill. I have to stop thinking.

We are arrived to Bristol, which means life is going back to her own shit.

We take Sadie home, then Abel and then it is between Kemi,Devesh and I. Kemi is nervous. She doesn't want to go home and I know why. So, I say " Kemi why don't you just spend a couple of days at my place ?"  

She bits her lips " No, no, no. I don't want to. " I look at her, not understanding. " You want to. " She breathes and says " Look, Jourdan, I won't hide forever. I can't. So I'm going home and I'm facing my dad. This isn't fucking Wales or whatever, this is Bristol. I'm here, I face things. "

Devesh stops the car and look at us. " I'm gonna park this car and you gonna tell me what is happening." 

" No we won't!" I say, not wanting Kemi to share her story.

" Shut up Jourdan. " She huffs. 

Few seconds later, the car is parked. He looks at both of us, without a word. None of us speak. He starts to get angry " You know what ? I'm fucking tired. One day you can't even look at each other and now you are hiding things from me ? I don't get it. I'm tired of those bullshits. I -"