Just as I Begin to Fade

Fourteen. Doing Better

"This is my visitor," she giggled, scooping her up in her arms. "You've met my visitors, they come over to visit me and we have a sleepover. Just like when you go over to your friends' houses."

"Oh, can I play too?" the five year old asked as she eyed the male in front of her.

He kind of smiled at her only because she was adorable.

Anybody who had the pleasure of meeting Gwen fell in absolute love with her, she had such stunning beauty like her mother, but she had a more structured face like her father.

"No, because it's sleepy time. Karen's gonna tuck you into bed for the night and stay with you." the blonde assured. "You go night-night and then in the morning we can do something fun," she ensured because her lover of the night would be long gone by sunup.

"Okay," she sighed.

Stevie then kissed her cheek again and turned to put her daughter in her assistant's arms before melting into the side of the man she was with; her eyes closing as she did so only because she was about ready to go to sleep with the mixture of substances in her body.

He wrapped an arm around her and he kept her steady and awake.

"Night, mama," she waved her little hand and then rested her head in the crook of Karen's neck.

"Shall we?" he gestured once they were alone in the hall.

"Yeah, come with me," she grinned and pulled him by the hand, leading him to her room.

Laying in her bed, the blonde could think back and forget so many things; things in which she knew she was wrong in doing, even when it came down to the lies she told her baby in order to hide her addictions.

Her assistant Karen had become more of a nanny to her child in the early years and she was more of a mother than she was, but the truth was that her boss had always struggled. It wasn't that men were necessarily her addiction, neither was sex, but with the different cocktails of drinks and drugs, she would get off and want to have fun. And finding a guy who was more than willing, it wasn't hard for the rock star.

In the memory she had, she remembered they were actually in a hotel, getting away from Andre yet again---one of the many escapes she took before going back to him, just to let him see his daughter. But as she thought back, she realized just how bad she was being; not even there for her daughter for the night.

Peeling herself from bed, she wiped her face of the tears that had engulfed her in her sleep and she slowly stood up; slowly only because it would always take her a minute to get up as she was always stumbling. She then made it to the table across the room that had exposed drugs on it and there, she put a dime size amount of cocaine on the back of her hand. After snorting it, she sniffed some more and then pinched the bridge of her nose before spinning around to get to the bathroom to wash up.

When she was done freshening up for her day with brushed hair and teeth, and a shower, she stuck on a nighty and she put a robe on over because she had no intentions of leaving the house.

"Morning, mama," Gwen greeted quietly as she ate a slice of pizza, watching her zombie like mother come out of her room that was more like a cage in her opinion.

The blonde waved in return and she pulled a mug from the cabinet, then pouring coffee into it, she brought it to the table and put cream and sugar. Taking a seat with a spoon in her hand, she stirred it gently and she kept a hand plastered to her head.

"Did you sleep?" her daughter wondered.

"Little, yeah," she nodded. "I slept most of yesterday, then I went back to bed after... after..." she paused. "I can't remember his name, but after he left."