Just as I Begin to Fade

Twenty Seven. Fighting the Past

After the movies that evening, Lindsey offered to drive Gwen home to her father's for Stevie and then he would meet with her, just to make sure she got home okay.

"Wow, return to the scene of the crime," he sort of muttered only because he felt uneasy walking into her house.

"I am so sorry for everything," she assured. "I was just so upset and maybe for a minute I was confused."

"About what?"

"I don't really want to get into it right now," she waved it off. "But I really appreciate the time you're taking for us," she assured.

"It's no problem, I just feel like I need to. In most cases, I do, but I feel so drawn to you and your guys' situation. It just has a hold on me and I would do anything to help," he admitted aloud.

"I get the feeling," she smiled softly only because she felt drawn to him as well, in a way she had never felt with any man, not even Andre and it made her nervous. "Can I offer you something? I haven't had a drink all day, so I am having a glass of wine," she stated.

"Water's okay for me," he ensured.

"As you like," she nodded and gave him a chilled bottle from the fridge.

"Thank you," he cracked it open and he drank most of it down.

"Lindsey, can I ask you; how did you stop drinking?" she wondered as he seemed to be a light weight, he seemed to know when to stop himself before drinking too much.

"I just stopped after getting my first DUI. I was only in mourning and I thought it would make things better for me and even though I learned that it wasn't making anything better, I still drank but it was only because it was a crutch, due to my sorrow. I didn't want to lose my job or credibility as a teacher, so I stopped."

"Gwen was sort of similar... She told me she stopped using drugs when she went to jail. She said she didn't like it and that was it," she took a seat after listening to him and she settled her glass down gently. "I really wish I had half the strength she had."

"I'm sure anybody would," he agreed.

"Here's the thing; you felt obligated due to your job to stop. I don't have an obligation as Stevie Nicks. I'm set for life after all these years..." she admitted. "I have no reason to stop and it's like my body knows that."

"But your head and heart are telling you otherwise because you do have reason."

"Like what?" she leered.

"Stevie, you're a mother. Don't you want to stop for Gwen?" he asked.

"Shit," she dropped her head into her hand. "I don't know why I always do that!" she muttered harshly, slamming her knuckles into her skull a couple times.

"What?"

"I forget about her all of the time. I know it sounds awful, but it is true. I forget to be a mother, I don't know how to switch the mode on..."

"What are your reasons for drinking? Tell me, when did you start?"

"When I was twenty-one," she shrugged. "I drank as a teen, snuck things around, but when I got with Gwen's father, he didn't like me to drink and I met him when I was sixteen. He didn't like drinking too much because it ran in his family and his father was a monster. For some reason, he didn't mind the drugs as much, which I never understand, but I didn't question it because it was all fun, I guess."

"When did you start doing drugs?"

"Well, I tried it the first time when I was on the road at seventeen, I just needed to be awake and I took a hit almost every night before a concert. But it wasn't stuck quite yet. Did a little bit more when I was eighteen, and the I found out I was pregnant sometime that year so I stopped everything on my own and I had Gwen in December, my little Sagittarius... Anyways, it was the following year that I started doing drugs again, but that time, Andre reminded me of how good they were working."