Just as I Begin to Fade

Eighteen. Promises

Gwen walked into Lindsey's office the following week and she plopped down in the chair in front of his desk.

He looked up, "You don't look like you had the flu, kiddo..."

"Well..."

"You were gone for three days including the weekend, that's five days. Lie to the office all you want, but don't lie to me," he pulled his glasses off.

"Okay," she nodded. "My mom had somewhat of an axiety attack last Tuesday and I've just been depressed..." she shrugged. "I wanted to be sure she would be okay so I stayed with her for the rest of the week---she's off everything and she's really trying," her eyes became glossy.

"Why are you crying, kiddo?" he asked, remaining calm about it as he was a professional.

"I'm really worried about her," she sniffed and looked up. "I don't know... I feel lost and just depressed. Every chance I'm alone, all I want to do is cry..."

"Are you nervous that if you're gone, something's gonna happen to your mom?"

She kind of pondered, thinking about it, but ultimately she nodded. "I guess... I just don't feel good... This whole weekend, I stayed in bed."

"Does your mom know that you're feeling this way?"

"She knows I'm depressed, but she doesn't really say anything. She struggles with depression from time to time, so it doesn't bother her much... that it's happening to me. I don't want to say that she doesn't care, because maybe she does, but it doesn't feel like she doesn't. I would never try to tell her... to listen to my problems because I have to be the strong one. I have to be there for her when she's being dumped or dumping someone... I have to be there for the breakdowns, but instead I am and I don't know what to do," she cried.

He stood up and he walked around the desk in order to console her as best as he could.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head as she retrieved a tissue from him. "This has never happened before and I don't know what to do."

"You're fine, kiddo, you're a bottled up kid," he rested his hand on her back and he just tried to soothe her.

"I feel like a wreck," she sniffled.

"Yeah, I understand..."

She looked up at him and she remembered the first day of school; his wife had died. "I'm sorry to be so doom and gloom... I know I'm not the only one suffering in the world," she pulled her compact from her bag and she cleaned up her eye makeup.

"People breakdown at one point in their lives or another---it's normal."

"Have you?"

"Of course."

"You know a lot about me, but I know only a little about you. Make me feel better by telling me your stories..." she sat back.

"What do you want to know?" he wondered.

"Why are you so calm?" she wondeded firstly.

He smirked a little. "I've dealt with grief for a long time, trauma... With my studies, let's say I'm tough."

"All snakes have a soft underbelly..." she commented innocently.

He nodded. "My wife, Maya, she and I were married for five years... I told you she died, I believe."

She nodded.

"I really loved her, she was beautiful..." he briefly remembered her face and features as it was something he tried to forget. "One day, she had a freak accident; she hit her head really hard because she passed out in our kitchen."