Just as I Begin to Fade

Seventeen. Bothered

The doctor would have come on gone; seeing that Stevie most definitely had a fever and an anxiety attack due to past trauma because Gwen had told him what they were doing and talking about prior since that was his first question. When the physician got to the house, she was already asleep though, she answered questions in her sleep if she could and she mentioned her cocaine addiction since that was one of the first questions. Though, she explained it was her first day without it for a very long time because in that day she actually made a full attempt to not take anything. All he could conclude to by the end of her exam and check-up; she crashed since it was her first day, talking about the past rose her blood pressure and anxieties to which caused a fever. She had an overall episode. Unfortunately, he could not provide her with any sort of sedative to calm her down only because she had a cocktail of drugs within her bloodstream, so he suggested an herbal tea to calm her down naturally.

And when the next morning arrived, Gwen checked on her mother first thing in the morning, just to see her in the same clothes from the night before and asleep, looking more comfortable than when she left her.

The teen walked slowly into the room with a mug of coffee in her hand and she set it on the night stand before furthering in and boarding the bed.

"Mom?" she whispered, gently placing her hand on her arm, gently shaking her.

The position in which the blonde was sleeping in; she had her hands clutched together and she was curled on her side as though she was in a fetal position.

"Mama?" she gave her one more nudge.

Stevie then gasped and she jolted.

"It's me, calm down," she quickly tried to calm her.

Her breath shook and she sighed before resting her head comfortably. "I'm sorry, you scared me."

"No, it's alright... Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

"Better," she nodded, eyes still shut as she did so only because she wasn't feeling the best. "What exactly happened? I just didn't feel good and I was hot and I just felt sick," she explained.

"Well, the doctor said you told him you hadn't had any drugs at all and I... I didn't know that. It was a form of a crash and it was caused because we were talking about my dad..."

Stevie sighed. "I'm sorry for freaking out... I--"

"Mom, it's okay... You don't have to apologize for loving him, obviously it still hurts you by how much he did to you. Though I don't know what a lot of those things are, I don't think it's your fault. You just told me last night that you met him when you were sixteen... He took advantage of you."

"Maybe he did in one way or another, but I still made my choice by staying by his side. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to give myself to him completely... and I did, and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life," she sniffled though remained calm as she told her end of the story.

"Did you trust him? Did you tell him everything about yourself?"

"I sure did and I really wish I hadn't. He only used all of my painful memories and deepest, darkest secrets against me when he could. I only ever made mistakes when it came to him. It wasn't even a big deal back in those days for a younger gal to be with an older boy, perhaps man. My mom and dad were really happy for us and they were okay with us dating and then they were excited for our wedding when we told them we were going to get married. Y'know, we planned and paid for a wedding, but we ended up eloping since I was working... I guess I should've known then that when he asked for it to be private, it was a mistake, but I was just happy," she accidentally switched her topics in the midst as she was answering the question and thinking.