Just as I Begin to Fade

Fifteen. Impressions

It was passed noon and Stevie was becoming bored as the hours were passing by; her daughter was off actually doing important things while she sat there with a pillow in her lap, curled up on the couch trying to decide on what would be in her best interest.

In her hand, she held the phone, tempted to dial a man to spend her day with, just to keep her busy while her daughter was gone, but she knew it wasn't the right choice, so it tempted her to call somebody wise. Somebody like Lindsey.

Although he was off limits, she was hoping to share more than a few words with him and she had hoped it wouldn't get her too deep into trouble with her daughter unless it wasn't later brought up for some reason.

Taking the chance, she decided to call the man's office, hoping to hear from him.

Flirting wasn't her first rodeo, but when his voice came on, it was as if she had become another person.

"Lindsey, hi... Um, it's Stevie... Gwen's mom," she explained sort of spaced out, her hand then landing against her forehead as she realized how dorky she sounded.

He chuckled lightly. "Hi, how are you?"

"I'm good, actually, I was wondering if there was anything Gwen might have brought up in the last couple days about me... Well, I guess I'm asking how she's doing, but I want to know if she has reported anything lately. I sound desperate, don't I?" she kind of laughed.

"Of course not... I know that you and Gwen have your struggles together and though I would love to tell you, I don't think I want to betray the trust she has instilled in me thus. It would upset her as she doesn't feel she can trust anybody. I hope you understand."

"I do, of course... I guess I am just a little desperate."

"Would you like to share? Maybe I can help you out..."

"Uhm, well... I made a pretty big promise, one of many and I am just really scared about screwing up. If I do, I know she is going to hate me forever and my little girl truly is all I got in this world... I couldn't lose her. I don't want to. Maybe I just wanted to know how I am doing... I'm sure she has mentioned some of my more... intimate and private... endeavors out of pure hate or anger. I just don't have anybody to talk to and honestly this phone call may be saving me from a doomed relationship I was about to open..." she sighed. "You should charge me, I am so sorry for blurting my problems," she dropped her head in her hand as she awaited his response.

"No, it honestly relieves me to hear from you. I hear about you and the first time she described you... Well, you're not somebody I expected when I met you."

"I don't think anybody would expect to see Stevie Nicks at PTA meeting," she semi smirked.

"Well, no, you're just so nice. She talks terrible about you."

"I know," she sighed once more and she rested her hand on her forehead, rubbing out the tension she thought she was feeling though it was shame causing her to feel ill. "You're not the first person to say that to me. She's made it very clear who the adult in our relationship is and it is her."

"You agree?" he wondered thoughtfully.

"Yes... I don't know how to he a mom. I had her when I was nineteen---I was young, already living my life on the road... I didn't know what I was doing and I was excited to have her. I don't think I've ever known how to be a parent, but I have always known how to lie to her... It's no wonder she's a human lie detector now."

"That she is..."

"Listen, I'm really sorry for just calling up like this and bothering you... You probably have other things to do, I'm just-- I don't even know what my problem is right now," she rubbed her head profusely.