'Til I Found You (COMPLETED)

17

The silence is drowning her with tears.

She trembles to lead off explaining while Aga breathes heavily in anger. Emotions are too much at this point and she could feel her head spinning. Words are juggling in her mind. There is so much to tell. He needs to hear it all.

"Babes?", she calls him but he remains mum.

"I ... I have been pl-planning to tell you about it but I always feel defeated by my emotion everytime I do. Aga, hear me out. When ... when mom and dad died I was left with nothing else but debts. All assets that my dad owned w-were ... were sold to pay it all. Babes, I didn't know where to go. I had no one beside me. No parents to run to. I lived in the street for a month a-asking for alms to ....", she leans hand against the wall as she feel her head spinning like a top but he needs to know the whole truth. " ... to feed myself. It was tough. I didn't have shelter from rain. Sometimes I ... I let passed a day w-without eating. I was just young back then, babe. Innocent from pain. Hunger. Life battles. Then .... I was offered a job. I knew it was a sin but I had nothing. I needed to live. I lost my dignity. Innocence ... even myself. Babe, I've been through a lot like I told you"

He brazens her, "you should've told me, Lei! Nakipagsuntukan pa ako sa kaibigan ko dahil sa'yo! I thought he was just envy. Yun pala he's right that ..."

"na ano?! Pokpok ako?! Whore?! Th-that I ... I slept with different men?! Yes! I admit. I even slept with your friends including Gary! Hindi maganda yung nakaraan ko, Ags. I strived harder in life just to ... to pull out myself from there! When I s-set foot here, I wanted a restart, Ags. Pinigilan ko yung sarili kong magmahal ulit because I know ..... lahat naman kayo iiwan din ako! I controlled my feelings for you. I kept on telling myself that you're too much for me. You ... you are decent. I am not the woman for you but you entered my life, Ags. It all happened so fast! Kaya nga iniwasan kita ng paulit ulit. I pushed you away kase ayokong ... ayokong mag iba yung tingin mo sakin but ... n-nasanay na akong nandiyan ka. Nasanay akong ... mahal mo ko. Then I found myself in this situation. Takot na akong mawala ka, babes. Takot na akong mag isa na dati kinaya ko naman. Kase .... kase, Ags, when you came ... you changed me. Once again I felt a whole new woman. A whole new me. Babes, mahal kita", her tone holds the emotion she's been keeping in awhile. It is too heavy. Too much to handle. Her heart may burst into pieces but she doesn't care anymore. She feels that this is it. The end of their chapter. This is how it always ends up for her. Everything is just falling back to where she's hurt before. Aga sighed in disappointment. He looks up then down, breathing heavily. His eyes turned glassy and it hurts to see him such way. She is not used to see him like that.

"Tell me. I want the whole truth, Lei", he stares at her. "We ... begun with ... with agreement. Did you ... just agree because of ... of money? Dahil lang ba sa pera kaya ka ...", he halted when Lea slapped his face.

It adds weight to her heavy heart. "I don't need your money! I was left with no choice kase nga diba umalis ako bigla sa unit mo without thanking you! Kung may mali man akong nagawa, that's when I let myself fall for you, Ags! Sana nga .... sana nga hindi na lang ako bumigay sayo that night! Ang rupok ko lang for giving in! Alam ko mali ang mahalin kita! I know this day would come .... pero naniwala ako sayo! You told me that my past w-won't m-matter to you! Ang tanga ko lang!"

"Just leave, Lei", calm but it says it all. She doesn't need a webster to understand him. It all ends here.

She sobs and takes steps forward but he dodged.

"B-babes", she throws herself into his arms. He is glued there. Confused and wordless.

"You heard me. Leave". A lot runs on and off his mind. It pierced his heart apart. Her tears are soaking his shirt but he can't specify this feeling acting up. This heavy emotion tightens his chest.

She only wants your money, bro. Beware of that woman. Don't be a dupe.

His friend warned him awhile ago. Lea was one of the women he slept with before in exchange of ridiculous sum of money. Max nodded in agreement. They told him her dark past and tactics to suck money from wealthy men. He didn't want to believe it but they are his friends right before Lea came into his life. Besides, they don't have grounds to tell such amiss remark and put dirt on their relationship but he can't just deem it as possible.

He wants to breathe. It is so heavy.

"Leave!", he points at the door. Lea startled from his raised tone. He never done it to her but he is losing control of everything at the moment.

She idly walks backward, gazing up to his face. This is probably the last she can see him this close. Probably the final hug. This is always how her love story ends. She fell but landed on her feet again. Nothing has changed. Like what she told herself that in the end it is always her own self who would pick up each piece of her fragments. There is nothing new to it.

She gathered all the remaining courage. This might be the last time and so she wants to pour out all the emotions, "If I could only change my past, Ags, gagawin ko maging karapat-dapat lang ako sa'yo but I can't. This is the real me. I ... I understand if you can't accept me. Sanay na din naman ako. Sa dami ng pinagdaanan ko I have no one beside me. And like I told you before, you deserve someone better ..."

She suppressed her sob.

" .... and I know it's not me. I'm so s-sorry, babe"

She twisted the knob and left out of his sight, crying. Here she is again. Alone and broken. Walking in a darkness of the night with her weary heart. She is just running in circles. What's left there to say if he couldn't accept her still.

She's right.

Love is not for her. It never will.