'Til I Found You (COMPLETED)

17

The silence is drowning her with tears.

She trembles, struggling to lead off explaining, while Aga breathes heavily in anger. The emotions are too suffocating at this point, and she can feel her head spinning. Words are juggling in her mind; there is so much to tell, and he needs to hear the wreckage of it all.

"Babes?" she calls him, her voice cracking, but he remains mum, a wall of cold fury.

"I... I have been planning to tell you about it, but I always feel defeated by my emotion every time I do. Aga, hear me out. When... when mom and dad died, I was left with nothing but debts. All the assets my dad owned were... were sold to pay it all. Babes, I didn't know where to go. I had no one. No parents to run to. I lived in the street for a month, asking for alms to..." She leans a hand against the wall as the world tilts, her head spinning like a top, but she forces herself to continue. He needs to know the whole truth. "...to feed myself. It was tough. I had no shelter from the rain. Sometimes a day would pass without eating. I was just young back then, babe. Innocent from pain. Hunger. Life battles. Then... I was offered a job. I knew it was a sin, but I had nothing. I needed to live. I lost my dignity. My innocence... even myself. Babe, I’ve been through a lot, like I told you."

He finally brazens her, his voice a jagged edge. "You should’ve told me, Lei! Nakipagsuntukan pa ako sa kaibigan ko dahil sa’yo! I thought he was just envious. Yun pala he’s right that..."

"Na ano?! Pokpok ako?! Whore?! That I... I slept with different men?! Yes! I admit it! I even slept with your friends, including Gary! Hindi maganda yung nakaraan ko, Ags. I strived harder in life just to... to pull myself out of there! When I set foot here, I wanted a restart, Ags. Pinigilan ko yung sarili kong magmahal ulit because I know... lahat naman kayo iiwan din ako! I controlled my feelings for you. I kept on telling myself that you’re too much for me. You... you are decent. I am not the woman for you, but you entered my life, Aga. It all happened so fast! Kaya nga iniwasan kita ng paulit-ulit. I pushed you away because ayokong... ayokong mag-iba yung tingin mo sa akin. But nasanay na akong nandiyan ka. Nasanay akong mahal mo ako. Then I found myself in this situation. Takot na akong mawala ka, babes. Takot na akong mag-isa, na dati kinaya ko naman. Because... because when you came... you changed me. Once again, I felt like a whole new woman. A whole new me. Babes, mahal kita."

Her tone holds every ounce of the agony she’s been hoarding. It is too heavy, too much to handle. Her heart may burst into pieces, but she doesn't care anymore. She feels this is it—the end of their chapter. This is how it always ends for her, everything falling back to the place where she was hurt before. Aga sighs, a sound of pure disappointment. He looks up and then down, breathing heavily. His eyes turn glassy, and it kills her to see him this way. She is not used to seeing him broken.

"Tell me. I want the whole truth, Lea," he stares at her, his gaze piercing. "We... began with an agreement. Did you just agree because of... of money? Dahil lang ba sa pera kaya ka..." He halts when Lea’s palm cracks across his face.

The slap adds a physical weight to her heavy heart. "I don't need your money! I was left with no choice kase nga diba umalis ako bigla sa unit mo without thanking you! Kung may mali man akong nagawa, that’s when I let myself fall for you, Ags! Sana nga... sana nga hindi na lang ako bumigay sa’yo that night! Ang rupok ko lang for giving in! Alam ko mali ang mahalin kita! I know this day would come... pero naniwala ako sa’yo! You told me that my past won't matter to you! Ang tanga ko lang!"

"Just leave, Lea." His voice is calm, but the finality in it says everything. She doesn't need a dictionary to understand him. It all ends here.

She sobs and takes steps forward, but he dodges her touch.

"B-babes," she cries, throwing herself into his arms one last time. He remains glued there, confused and wordless, his body as stiff as a corpse.

"You heard me. Leave." A million thoughts run on and off his mind, each one piercing his heart. Her tears are soaking his shirt, but he can't name the emotion tightening his chest.

She only wants your money, bro. Beware of that woman. Don't be a dupe.

His friend’s warning rings in his ears. Max had nodded in agreement, laying out her dark past and the "tactics" she used to suck money from wealthy men. He hadn't wanted to believe it, but they were his friends long before Lea existed. He can't breathe; the air in the room is too thick with betrayal.

"Leave!" he bellows, pointing at the door. Lea startles at his raised tone; he has never used that voice with her, but he is losing control.

She idly walks backward, gazing up at his face for what feels like the last time. This is probably the final glimpse, the final shadow of a hug. This is how her love story always ends. She fell, but she’s landing on the same hard ground. Nothing has changed. She tells herself that, in the end, it is always her own hands that must pick up the fragments.

She gathers her remaining courage to pour out the last of her soul. "If I could only change my past, Ags, gagawin ko maging karapat-dapat lang ako sa’yo... but I can’t. This is the real me. I... I understand if you can’t accept me. Sanay na din naman ako. Sa dami ng pinagdaanan ko, I have no one beside me. And like I told you before, you deserve someone better..."

She suppresses a violent sob.

"...and I know it’s not me. I’m so sorry, babe."

She twists the knob and disappears out of his sight, her crying echoing in the hallway. Here she is again—alone and broken, walking into the darkness of the night with a weary heart. She is just running in circles.

She’s right. Love is not for her. It never will be.