Thoughts, Emotions, Change

What I Saw and What I Still See

I see someone whose a worker towards personal goals.

I see someone who despite all of life's hardships has powered through;

with the confidence that could fuel a rocket ship.

Someone who has his demons,

yet doesn't let them control his actions,

and someone who doesn't let the past define himself.

There's so many things I noticed about him that I can relate to that it hurts thinking he's had to deal with it on his own.

Every fucking time he smiles, I can sense that stupid pain

my stupid heart wants to help ease it.

Those goddamn eyes of his are like a mirror reflecting the strength of his will

And honestly if I wasn't smart I'd follow it blindly off a cliff.

All of this started off on a prank

but the more time I spent with him the happier I had felt

genuine,

pure happiness.

I loved seeing how excited he got showing me the things he loved,

like his music taste and the shows he likes-

even his weird rocket science that I can't understand.

I was okay with being friends again

but God fucking damn it every time I'm in the same room as him it makes me feel sick that I can't comfort him the way I was able to.

That I can't hold his hand

or sit close to him without it being weird now.

I just don't understand how it went down hill-

the reasons seem like some sort of facade

he doesn't want to ruin what's left of our friendship but I cant communicate to him that being in the dark hurts even more.