Thoughts, Emotions, Change

Hopeful Sunbeams Upon Rain-dropped Cherry Trees

The ocean was dark, yes this much is true

And the storm that found me after resurfacing was just as black, if not more

But upon resurfacing, the world was anew

Climbing out of the ocean, I found myself to step gingerly on broken glass

Feet cut from the shattered pieces left behind from yet another vicious cycle of rain

A sense of.. emptiness takes hold

Each day is different, but one thing remains the same

Longing for the rough waves that threatened to hold a budding flower at gunpoint

Hostage to the rollercoaster of emotions that waited at its ready command

I am incomplete again, but a fragment of knowledge sticks this time

Greens and hazel shift from dangerous blues to soft purples, bruises that slowly did their best to heal with passing of time

Time

Something that cures everything granted it has enough, the wounded gather themselves and prepare to trudge along from the battle ground of a heart gone to war for what it believed to have loved

Still love

The hopeful sunbeams dance like glitter across leaf birthed trees, cherry blossoms gracefully fluttering down, down, down like butterflies going to land

For a second the rollercoaster feels to be done

Completed and preparing for another ride

But I hesitate

To ride again would mean another go through the ocean

That deep, unknown that grows darker each visit and stronger from each trip that allows bonds to deepen and love to form bolder

Each time leaving another piece of my soul behind and replaced with some kind of "life lesson" to serve as an I-Told-You-So when the poor splash ruins your life for another time in a row

So when I say I refuse, no I do not want to reserve a ticket for future use

My time is now and only now can I even think to be able to breathe without the water threatening to drown me, the dark navy and sea greens taunting from a creaky, broken deck and sea shells yet again swept away from their homes onto an endless black beach filled with stepped in black sand

I don't have sea legs

Not yet at least

So while I am on land, allow me to be in peace

Walking in my own lost thought among my blooming cherry trees