poems

Why

this isnt how I wanted things to go,

this isnt something I wanted to go through

This is tough,

and ever so rough

I've changed,

and my thoughts have muddled up instead of rearranged

I dont like who I have become,

I have begun feeling so dumb

I've become shy,

I hate saying 'hi'

I hate this,

why did I have to go through this?

why did you do this to me?

is it something to do with what you see when you look at me?

I cant make sense of this, 

these are feelings I wish I could miss

No one gets it,

No one understands this shit

I freeze or freak when guys hug me,

That isnt something I wanted to become of me

How is that right?

Why cant I push this out of sight?

I'm the one dealing with it,

Even though your the one that causes this shit

I hate you,

I hate what you choose to do

I trusted you,

How could you do this to someone who would have done anything for you?

When I see you around school,

It all comes back like a pool

I coudnt recognise you,

Thats something I'm still unable to do

Why me?

Is this something you wanted to see?

I havent told two of my closest mates,

Through fear I'll be the person they choose to hate

Three of my mates wanted to hurt you when I told them,

But I had to beg them not to do anything - not for you but for them

I hate you, I hate this,

This really is something I wish I could miss

I wont let you win though,

That will mean I would have let all my control go

I need to get control back,

Which at the moment is one of the things I lack 

I have found my control,

now no one can treat me like a doll

you can try to hurt me,

but seeing me hurt is something you will never see

I will no longer cry over you,

and what you chose to do

thats something I refuse to do,

that would mean handing over my control to you

you will never beat me,

thats something you will never see