Poprocks and coke

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮-𝙨𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣

"And you're sure you thought about it this time?" He asked me, the question he had repeated a lot of times tonight. As his hand continued to run through my hair keeping me distracted as I watched the television on my bedroom wall.

I laid with him in bed, half on his chest as he played with my hair mindlessly.

"I think so. I was thinking about it all... y'know forgetting what I wanted. Taking away my selfish desires I realised if David really is the one... they'll have to move in together some time soon. It would make so much more sense for my mom to move into his big house in a nice place instead of this ancient wreck. And if David isn't, she'll come back. And I'm not five anymore. I made a point of saying I can live by myself, I can. I can't hold on to my mom, I've grown up. I guess I just didn't wanna live in a house alone, I think it was the thought that I would be lonely. All the time,"

"And when you added back in your selfish desires?"

"Well... it just didn't make much sense did it? Despite what I wanted. It wouldn't mean anything in the world of reality. My desires where nothing against the realistic situation. I just had this thought in my head it was my choice and that was it... never really thinking that with or with out my choice whatever I picked will play out in the end. It was just either... have my mom or don't. And of course since I felt like I had some sort of option then..."

"...you wanted to pick for her to stay?"

"Yeah... I know it's selfish but-"

"-I'm sorry," He cut me off, with a sincere voice as his hand paused from messing up my hair.

I paused, before leaning my head back to see his face. "What for?" I mumbled, giving him a pair of confused eyes.

"I didn't listen to you... now I'm listening. I can understand why you felt that way. You never had a chance, so the moment you felt you did of course you would pick what you never had. I get that now. I shouldn't of been so harsh on the phone, I knew I was being too mean but I thought that's what the situation needed,"

"That is what the situation needed. You were right anyway. You told me how it was. I went to Coby's after that-" I began to babble, leaning my head back to where it originally was as I stared at the Tv. "-And explained it all to him. He was just as blunt as you were about it. He sided with you, he said you was right. And I thought super hard about it and realised you probably was,"

"You never know, she might not even leave,"

"You should've seen the way she looked at me when I told her I wouldn't be mad. There was something there in her eyes- like opportunity sparking up. My moms always been someone to grab the chance. She never misses anything. 'Take the risk or lose the chance' she says... or something stupid. I just wish she thought about me some more,"

"You think she's a bad mom?"

"Oh no," I said quickly, no thought or hesitation to the answer. Automatically falling out. "I would never think that. She's a good mom. She's just hardly there. She's as great as a mom she can be with out being there, still paying the bills and sending money. But she has a choice to be there... and she chooses not to. That's why she's not a great mom. She's a little selfish, maybe that was passed down to me. But she likes to think of herself. She's her own priority. That's how I've learnt to be my own,"

We shared this moment of silence where I heard him and I breathing. The television had been set on a low volume, meaning it was barely audible. But I was hardly watching it anyway. It was just something to keep my eyes busy while I chattered away to Billie.

I tried to sync my breathing with his, whilst I watched the tv. Until he spoke up again.

"You really think she's gonna leave you like that?"