Something New (A Severus Snape Love Story)

~Chapter Nineteen~

~Chapter Nineteen~

Severus was frozen in shock. It felt like an eternity of silence had passed as I sat there still in his arms but waiting for him to say something, anything. My eyes never left his.

He slowly started blinking, it looked like he had awoken from a dream. I felt very much the same with slightly more embarrassment. There was plenty of time for us to be naked together in the future, but we had awoken from our infatuation haze.

"Severus... please say something." I begged.

"I never knew true happiness until I met you. I want to be with you in every way possible, but I have never been intimate with someone that I love. I need you to understand my beloved, there is nothing I would like better than stripping you of your clothes and taking you on every surface of this room, but I can't." He never let me go once.

"Only a few moments ago you admitted to me that you took someone's life. Now is not the time for us to take the next step." He almost made me forget about that.

I sighed and sat up. "I know Severus. I just don't know what to say or how to deal with this. Will you help me?" I was suddenly nervous.

Severus got up from the sofa and grabbed some books from his shelves. He had so many books; they seemed to cover every space on his walls. It fascinated me how I could understand the titles of the books. My knowledge was coming back bit by bit.

"I will always help you Katrina. Whatever you need, I'm there." He was so sincere. "I'm going to teach you how to survive as a Death Eater."

We sat there for hours reading books on all different wizarding subjects. It somehow felt so different reading books with all my brain unlocked. I felt like I could really take the information in and I knew I would not forget it. It made me feel powerful.

"Can we talk about why you confided in Professor Moody about Mr Crouch?" Oh, I really hoped to avoid this.

"Severus I'm not going to sit here and insult your intelligence by telling you that you were seeing things. But I also can't give you an answer to your question." It didn't feel right to keep things from him, but I had no choice in the matter.

He sighed "Sometimes I feel like you don't trust me, like we're on different sides." How was I supposed to argue with him? Before I came into his life he would have died in the upcoming war if it meant defeating the Dark Lord.

For me it has always been different. If it meant saving my father, I would do whatever The Dark Lord wanted me to do. I do not share his views about muggles one single bit. I never actually met someone who was a British muggle-born before Hermione. But that is just because I was always with my grandmother, my father or the Drumstrang boys.

Speaking of which I hope Viktor is alright and is preparing for the last task. I just know something is going to go wrong somehow. There must be a reason why Barty is there posing as Mad Eye.

"I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep the people I love and care about safe." I stressed.

My fingers traced his strong features I had grown to love so dearly. I needed to start letting him in otherwise I was going to lose him. The feeling of his warm skin against my cold hand brought me so much comfort in this confusing time. I felt like his dark eyes wanted to figure everything out about me and I know in my heart that I wanted him to.

Severus never did tell me how he felt after he ran away from me that night. The night he admitted to loving Potter's mother and almost admitting that he loved me.

I would have told him I loved him too because I do, more than anything. But did he love me? How could someone love me after everything I had done?