𝐓he twins were buried next to Mateo. Laying them to rest was hard. You're still sore, inside and out. You blame yourself. Kara said they were distressed. They were underweight. And their heart rates were too high.
They were distressed because you were distressed. They were underweight because you didn't eat. And their heart rates were too high because of your blood pressure.
You. It's all you.
Why didn't you just fix up and do the right thing? Why didn't you just take the antidepressants? Why didn't you just say sorry to Cas?
You haven't told anybody how you're feeling deep down. Cas knows, though. He's the only one that needs to know because he's the only one that can make it better.
Freddy brought Zakai to your bedroom. The amount of tissues in the bin is ridiculous. You keep going into the twins' room and staring. Imagining what could've been. It's not good to drown in your sorrows. Marcel told you that. So you wanna get back to work as soon as possible.
It's just effort.
"Mama." Zakai clambered onto the bed next to you as you wiped your tears. He can definitely tell something isn't right. "Baby. Baby." He pats your stomach and says that all the time, because he still thinks the twins are there.
