What am I || Jack Avery & Daniel Seavey

fourty-seven

*Souline's POV

When I woke up the next morning, I felt awful. It was the first night in a long time, where I slept by myself. The first night, where I didn't fall asleep in his arms and woke up in his arms again. I wanted to go into his room and just lay down next to him, but I couldn't. My pride was in the way. I'm just way to stubborn for this world.

I brushed my teeth, put my hair into a messy bun and put on the comfiest clothes I could find.
It was only 7 in the morning, which means I'm probably the only one who's awake.
I walked out of my guest room and tried to be as quiet as possible, I didn't want to wake up anyone.

As I walked by Jack's room, I heard tiny little noises. It was little Lavender, who seemed to be awake already. Jack was probably still asleep. Whenever Lavender was over for the past month when I was sleeping over, her and I were the first ones to wake up. We would always go make breakfast, while we let Jack sleep in a little longer because he works so much, and normally goes to sleep pretty late at night.

I contemplated for a split second if I should go in and grab Lavi or just leave her in there, waiting for Jack to wake up. However, I realized I'm mad at her dad, not her. Therefore, I decided to quietly go in and grab her real fast, before she starts crying.
Jack was indeed still asleep. His right arm was around my pillow, and I couldn't help but think about how his arm would've been around me, if I hadn't slept in the guest room tonight. But he hurt me with those words, and it reminded me of my past relationship, if you can even call it like that. I don't want to be anyone's second choice ever again.

„Hey little girl. Did you sleep well?" I asked, pulling her out of her crib, to which she just grinned shyly. It was adorable.

„Let's go eat something, cutie."

I gave Lavi her milk and chopped off some fruits and vegetables for her. In the meantime, I prepared my porridge. I've been eating the same breakfast for over 2 years now. I make myself some porridge, put some peanut butter  on it and then top it off with all kinds of fruits that are around. It's the best thing. Everyone always asks me, if I don't get tired of eating the same thing for breakfast every morning, but I don't, It's just my routine.

I put on Lilo and stitch for us, while we ate our breakfast. Lavender seemed to enjoy it a lot, she wouldn't get her eyes off the tv.

„Oh good she's here." I suddenly heard Jack behind me, and it scared the living crap out of me. I thought everyone was asleep and suddenly I hear a voice at the exact same moment, the tv show got really quiet.

„I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. Thank you for looking after Lavender." a little smirk on his lips that he was trying to suppress.

„It's fine, and I'll forgive you." I answered.

„For scaring you, or for hurting you yesterday?" he asked, and I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe.

„There's still some porridge in the pot, if you want some." I tried to change the topic.

„Don't change the topic. I love your porridge, but this is serious." he stated.

„I'm glad, you finally realized that." I fake smiled at him.

„Can you just talk to me?"

„What does it look like I'm doing right now?" I arched an eyebrow.

„Do I not get a chance to explain myself?

„It wouldn't change anything. Don't worry, I just wanted to wait until someone wakes up and can look after Lavender. Now that you're up, I'll find somewhere else to stay until my apartment is ready, so we don't have to cross each other's paths all day long." I said getting up. I walked into the kitchen and started doing the dishes.

„Soul, don't be ridiculous." I heard him say behind me.

„I'm not. I just think no reason to stay, is a good reason to go."

„Soul.." I froze. I could feel his breath against my neck. „Hear me out, please."

„I-, I can't." I let out.

„Come on. Turn around. Let me see your pretty face." I blushed.

I didn't turn around myself, so he carefully did it for me. I don't know what it was, but I just felt like I couldn't feel any part of my body. His touch did something to me, I can't explain.

„Why did my words hurt you so much? You know I didn't mean it."

„I just don't want to be the the second choice ever again. I want to be someone's first choice, for once in my life." I took a step back, finally able to speak again. „ I love Lavender more than I thought I would and you know it, but I don't know if I can do this. Gabriela. She's gonna be there. She's always going to be there, and I can't compete with her. She's Lavenders mom, and she's always going to be part of your life. And yesterday.. you proved that to me. You didn't stand up for me, you just portrayed it, as if this whole time that we have spend together, meant nothing at all to you. It felt like I didn't mean anything to you, just like to the last guy. He hurt me so bad, made me believe I was his everything, the only one for him. But I wasn't. There was always some other girl, and I was the second choice at the end. The one he would choose to come to, when the others didn't want him, because he knew I would be there. And I just can't do that again. I know, for you it's no big deal, and you probably think I'm crazy for acting this way right now. But I can't change it. I'm sorry." I took a deep breath.

„Soul, I- I had no idea. If you would have told me that before, I-"

„Yesterday would've still happened, even if you knew. It's fine really. I gotta go now ok?" I gave his cheek a light kiss and walked out of the kitchen.

{a/n: Hi guys, how are we feeling about this chapter? Hope you have a great day, week, month, whatever. Thanks for reading my story.🦋🤍}