What am I || Jack Avery & Daniel Seavey

thirty-eight

The barbecue last night turned out to be amazing. You could sense the awkwardness between Daniel and I, but we handled it like adults. I was really happy about that. We even shared some laughs together.

Jack dropped me off at home last night which I really appreciated. I wanted to take an Uber back home, but Jack and his mom insisted on him driving me home. I really love Jacks family. Everyone is so welcoming and genuine.

Somehow I had it really hard to fall asleep last night. Sydnie's words kept replaying in my head non stop.

"You may like him, but your heart though.. your heart belongs to someone else and you know that for sure."

"The way he looks at you Soul.. I know him. He wants you and you clearly want him as well. You're just scared."

Deep down I know she's right and I'm really just scared. Scared of hurting someone I love so much and potentially losing the person I care about. I need both of them in my life and I don't know if that's possibly if I choose to be with one of the guys.
On top of that, I don't want Jack and Daniel to be on bad terms because of me. They're band mates, best friends and brothers. I would never forgive myself if I destroy their bond and most of all their band. Just imagine the limelight's coming for me.. no one wants that.

Nevertheless, I knew Sydnie was right and I have to do something. I have to fix all of this and go for the guy I want and the guy I know my heart belongs to or else I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I have to try at least. I wish I could say I have nothing to lose, but in this case I might actually lose something... a special person.

*phone rings

I got really surprised when I saw his name pop up on my phone.

„Hello?" I answered the phone smiling.

„Hi, I-..I-...uhm I think we need to talk Soul.. about us and.." he paused for a second. "..and him you know."

"I'm glad you called, I was about to do the same. We really do have to talk."

„So how about we meet at my place in an hour?" he asked.

„Can I stop by around 4pm? I got a meeting at work in an hour, but I'll stop by as soon as I'm off the meeting."

„Sure. See you then." he hung up.

I quickly jumped into the shower, dried my hair and did my make up. I decided to put on some blue jeans with a baby blue blazer, a white shirt, a cute white bag and white sneakers. I love wearing blue because it compliments my blue eyes. Blue is just one of the prettiest colors and most of all the ocean is blue. My favorite place on this earth.

Am I the only one who feels super confident and powerful when I like the way I look? I could have the worst mood of all time, but feel a hundred times better when I put on some make up, style my hair and dress up. I'm convinced that you feel how you look. I mean wearing joggers and hoodies can make you feel happy too and don't get me wrong I need those days, but when I'm not having the best day, dressing like that makes me feel even worse.

Anyways, I was content with how I looked and went to work. I was really worrying about the meeting though. It's a really important meeting for the agency and myself, but I prepared so well, nothing could go wrong honestly.

After two hours, the meeting was done and it went pretty good. I can't say too much, but I have a good feeling.
I got really excited when I arrived at his place. The meeting got my mind off of it, but now that the meeting is over, my anxiety is back. I don't even know what to say or how this will go.

I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Shortly after he opened the door.

„Hey." a smile leaving my mouth.

„Hey.." he awkwardly looked down.

„Can I come in?" I asked weirdly.

„Oh yeah, of course..sorry come in." he stepped away.

You could sense the tension in the room from miles away.

„You want something to drink?" he opened the fridge pulling out some apple juice.

„No, I'm good." I smiled at him.

„Not even some apple juice?"

„You know Daniel, not everyone's as obsessed with apple juice as you are." I laughed.

„You're mean. I can't change who I am. I love apple juice." a giggle escaping his lips.

This kind of eased the tension a bit, but it was still in the air. We didn't feel as comfortable around each other as we usually did. I hated it. It got quiet for a bit until we both started talking at the same time.

„So.." we both said causing us to laugh.

„You start." I told him.

„Look, I'm sorry Soul..I overreacted. Anna told me about you and jack and I guess jealousy got the best of me." he admitted.

„Don't apologize, I'm the one who should be apologizing. None of this would've happened if I had just been honest with you. Lying about it was so stupid and I know that now." I couldn't look him in the eyes.

„No Soul, it had to happen. I think we needed this to realize what we really want."

„You know don't you?" I asked to which he just nodded.

„Daniel..before you or I say anything else, I need you to know one thing." I paused for a second. „I love you. I love you so much.." I took a deep breath.

{a/n: Hey my loves! 🦋 What do you think Soul will tell Daniel in the next chapter? Is she going to tell Daniel she wants to be with him or Jack? What do y'all think?}