🌻 rusger oneshots | countryhumans 🌻

18 | drunk idiots watch dumb cooking show

🇩🇪: male
🇷🇺: male
fluff
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only the small giggle of a relatively short european country could be heard besides the angry yelling and cussing.
"russland, calm down," the smaller laughed, placing his tricolored hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. "i think that's enough vodka for today, babe,"
"no!! look at it, this is outrageous," a much taller countryhuman hiccuped furiously, shoving his index finger in the direction of the television screen, only to be held back by his lover. "they're doing it all wrong!" he shouted drunkedly, the several bottles of vodka there were had already been drowned down his throat. "who do they think they are, destroying my food like that, destroying my culture,"
germany held in a snort as he heard his boyfriend dramatically wail in agony.
"this is not how you make pelmeni, ger!!" russia yelled again, this time flopping down onto germany's lap and pouted, with his eyebrows harshly furrowed.
"they're trying their best, Süßer," the smaller said gently, the alcohol miraculously not yet corrupting him.
" 's not best enough," the slav grumbled, his childish pout getting more intense by the second.
"give them a break, tough guy," germany hummed, tapping his pale fingers on his lover's shoulder.

the night had started out pretty well, actually. germany and russia had gone out to the local bar, planning for a nice little late night drink.
this, however, quite quickly became a drinking session, meaning they were getting drunk as fuck. russia, as usual, got drunk quite quickly, while his boyfriend was still not completely under the spell of alcohol.
he noticed early that russia was getting aggressive, and quickly rushed the both back to their shared house, where germany was left to deal with a tallass, dumbass, and now slightly jackass russian. as soon as they got home, russia went to the remote control and went to netflix, where he found a cooking show.
turns out, this was a show that cooked dished from all over the world. and the first episode just happened to be russia, which was bound to upset the country somehow eventually.

and there they were, germany sipping on a bottle of beer while russia complained about the way these people who dared call themselves 'chefs' were making his precious food.
"i will NOT," russia snorted grumpily, his anger resembled that of a small child who had to do chores, "how would YOU feel if this were BRATWURST,"
"i would be fine, because i know that they are probably not ethnic germans and they are just trying as best as they can," he said calmly, bringing the beer back to his lips and tilting the bottle upwards, forcing the beverage to leak down into his mouth.
"i'd like to test that theory,"

"oh mEIN GOTT RUSSLAND NEIN BITTE MAKE IT STOP" he screeched in agony, his screams almost identical to his boyfriend's earlier ones.
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU," russia yelled back, wrapping the smaller country in his arms, as if to protect him from the evil TV screen that was showing him the most awfully made bratwurst on earth.
"NOOOOOO" germany cried, the alcohol finally getting to his brain, his mind finally lost.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" russia screamed. finally, his lover understood how painful it was to see the destroyed pelmeni.

timeskip UwU

russia groaned. his head hurt, he felt dizzy and weird. he didn't even want to open his eyes, the hangover was very strong today.
but all that went away when he realized the source of his heat on this cold, cold morning. his arms were wrapped around a familiar tricolored country, whose nose was buried in the crook of his neck. his breathing was soft, steady. it calmed russia, the aura helped ground the tall country and awaken him.
his hand moved from his waist to his golden hair. he twirled his fingrs through the locks of messy and tangly hair that was atop germany's head.
after a few minutes, the hand continued on it's adventure, slowly creeping down the country once more until it reached his chest when his own hands were curled up, sandwiched in between the two,
russia allowed his fingers to trace the smaller's hand, then finally lacing his fingers with his own.
"доброе утро, малыш (good morning, baby boy)," he whispered, tightening his grip momentarily.
"mm -morgen," germany mumbled sleepily. he, too, had eventually managed to get drunk, almost as much as russia. germany snuggled closer into his boyfriend's embrace, trusting that the taller would provide him not only warmth, but also love and protection.
the slav planted a kiss on his lover's forehead, excited to see those gorgeous baby blue eyes flutter open.
"i love you, медвежонок (bear cub)," russia smiled contently, his free arm resting itself on top of germany's chest, allowing better access to the steady breathing of the german,
"w-what happened last night?" the smaller askd tiredly, not seeming to remember anything that happened. his head hurt and the last thing he could remember was finishing a bottle of beer.
russia just laughed in response to his question.
"well?"
"we got super mad over some cooking show that didn't know how to make our cultural food. then we went to bed and fu—"
"oKAY THAT'S ENOUGH,"

well. maybe that was the reason his body hurt more than usual, even during a hangover.

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925 worda
wtf did i just write
i have no idea how to end oneshots lol
im sleep deprived rn so i will prob rewrite later
hope you enjoyed anyway
have a great rest of your day <33