🌻 rusger oneshots | countryhumans 🌻

5k reads special :))

so uh
how
the truck
did this happen
i started this book one day for fun and now all of a sudden im getting noticed and wow holy shit i never expected this
thank you so so so so much
i dont know how i could repay you guys
5k+ reads and 250+ votes
this is a dream come true
i love each and every one of you to death
and now to show u how much i love you
*drumroll***
incorrect quotes!

————

flight attendant: before we take off, please make sure all small things are properly secured
russia, smiling and looking at germany:
germany: what?
russia: do you feel safe?
germany: i hate you

——

russia: got called gay at work the other day
germany: what happened?
russia: got called gay at work
germany: yeah, but why?
russia: i was being gay
germany: at work?
russia: yeah, it was at work

——

russ: ger sometimes talks in his sleep. its adorable.
germany, asleep: fight me...you motherfucker...square up....i think the fuck not....

——

*christmas*
russia: oh look, we're under the mistletoe. you know what that means,,,,
germany: russland that isn't mistletoe
germany, waking up in shock at 3am that night: oh my gosh was he flirting with me???!?!

——

switzerland: are you sure you arent dating russia?
germany: if i am, i was certainly unaware.
switzerland: tbh, if anybody here would be dating someone without knowing it would be you

——

germany: *doubles over in pain*
russia: WHAT HAPPENED?!?
germany: nothing
russia: i promise to stay calm if you tell me what happened
germany: i stubbed my toe on the table—
russia, now holding a knife: WHICH TABLE

——

america: *somehow managed to kiss russia's cheek*
russia: bitch you wanna die? burn in hell
germany: *somehow manages to reach russia's cheek and kiss it*
russia: i did not know i have a heart until this very moment.

——

germany: question is, do i get out of bed or stay in
russia: both. get out of your bed and stay in mine
germany, already cuddled up beside him: you smooth fucker

——

germany: hey, russ! could you help me with this zipper?
russia: of course
germany:
russia:
germany: UP, russia, UP
russia: whoops

——

russia: wanna know why koalas arent counted as bears?
germany: because theyre marsupials.
russia: ...because they dont have the koalafications...

——

russia: come over
germany: but my car only has 3 wheels
russia: you have a tricycle?!
germany: russ youre supposed to say "but my parents arent home"
russia: i was distracted by your tricycle
germany: let's start over.
russia: come over
germany: i can't. my car has only 3 wheels.
russia: what color is your tricycle?
germany: i give up

——

germany over at russia's place: i cant eat this food its too hot
russia: youre too hot and i still eat you
germany: *blushes*
russia: *winks*
ukraine: one dinner. I JUST WANT ONE DINNER.

——

belarus: youre in love with germany.
russia: what? no! would i protect her? yes. would i die for her? yes! does her being sad feels like a stake through my heart? absolutely. but that doesnt mean im in love with her

——

germany: what are you doing?
russia: offering moral support
germany: you said you have no morals
russia: that is correct. but i support people who do

——

!!none of these are mine, i just found them on tumblr!!
i know i know, super short
i hope u still enjoyed though!!
again, i cannot thank you all enough for everything that you did for me
thank you so so much
have an amazing week <3