🌻 rusger oneshots | countryhumans 🌻

19 | raindrops pt 2

🇩🇪: male
🇷🇺: russia
angst
⚠️suicide, PLEASE dont read if this might trigger you or make you feel uncomfortable in any way <3⚠️
bruh what are these titles
————

the aryan shivered.
all the windows were closed, there was no way the wind could have gotten in. still, goosebumps formed on his pale skin, causing him to curl up even closer to himself in an effort to preserve his remaining body heat.
his eyes squeezed shut, his eyebrows furrowing and his chin buried so deep into his own chest that it was hard to see.
it was cold.
outside, inside, t-shirt, sweater. it was cold.

cold and dark.
germany's least favorite combination, now surrounding him, reminding him of every past mistake, every regret, every wrong step and every wrong turn.
his teeth chattered. he pulled his thick blanket closer to his body. he could fight the cold.
but the dark was a different story.

the dark was everywhere. in his imagination, in reality. beneath the ground and in the sky. in the seas and in the caves. the lack of light was neverending.
someone had once told him to find the light. the same someone who told him to fight back, and not to let his fear control him.
it was easier said than done. but germany tried. just for him. just for him, he would tell himself. just for him i would go to the ends of the earth.

but then he left.
and the darkness stayed.

the darkness always stayed.
the german tried to focus on the positive, as he had always recommended that he do. however it only made him think of him more, resulting in flashbacks and painful memories.

and now he slept alone. in the dark. shivering endlessly.
a single tear rolled down his face, the warm liquid slightly relaxing the muscles in his face. but the teardrop left a cold afterfeel on his cheek.

if only his hand was wrapped around him now. if only his nose was in the nape of his now. if only he could be tangled with him once more.

but those were all just stupid wishes.
he knew that they were done. he knew that there was nothing left of their relationship.
but, still. germany missed him.

"i'll always love you," the aryan laughed bitterly at the memory. he was so naive. how could he have truly believed the words that his former lover had spoken?
he remembered his rough, long fingers that laced perfectly with his own, as if it were a mold. his hands were big, yet gentle and soothing.

germany would never get to feel those magic making hands ever again.

but russia had found somebody new.
germany knew it was bound to happen eventually, but he still hoped. he still hoped that he would get to keep the russian.
oh, how wrong he was.

"ich liebe dich, russland. even if you don't love me back," he whispered. "i love you so so much,"
he hoped he was happy. he hoped america knew how lucky he was to have russia. he hoped rusaia wouldn't forget him, although he couldn't blame him if he did.

he hoped it would be okay in the end.

even though he knew it would never.

his cold, almost lifeless hand crept up to the nightstand beside his bed.
his hand found it's way around the pistol, memorizing it's shape, sliding down his fingers to the trigger.

he laid the gun against his temple.

"i'm sorry," he whispered, taking one last look into the darkness. one last look at the world.

bang.

————
631
sorry for being so short again
very venty today lmao i miss my bf sm
ily all so so so so so so so much
i hope you have a great rest of your day <333