🌻 rusger oneshots | countryhumans 🌻

21 | laced fingers and attached hands

🇩🇪: male
🇷🇺: male
angst bUT ITS NOT AS BAD I PROMISE—
song oneshot again
"sorry" - halsey
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i can sometimes treat the people
that i love like jewelry

the iron cross always felt cold in my palms. even when i was younger and more naive, something was always cold about it. i had mixed feelings for the symbol. i didn't realize that it didn't just represent one thing.

cus i can change my mind each day

i never decided what it meant to me. was it an artifact or was it a piece of garbage that reminded me of my past for no reason?

i didn't mean to try you on

i didn't realize that it didn't only represent what he thought it did. i didn't realize i was hurting people in the process of trying to discover myself.

but i still know your birthday

i smile at the memory. june 12, your birthday. i remember every affectionate kiss and every endless cuddle from that night. i remember taking you out to get ice cream despite the weather being gray. i remember your beautiful smile, and your lips on mine. i remember it all.

and your mother's favorite song

my smile faltered a bit. russia's mother had left his family a long, long time ago. it was an unspoken truth. any mention of her would turn his mood bad.

i'm sorry to my unknown lover

i just don't understand.

sorry that i can't believe

you've told me over and over again, 'i love you'

that anybody ever really, starts to fall in love with me

i just don't understand. how could someone like you love someone like me? i'm a mess, a total wreck. why would you choose this load of garbage when you have so many other options?

so i'm sorry to my unkown lover

i don't deserve you. and you deserve so much better than me and my shit.

sorry i could be so blind

i know you want me to try to find the good in things. but i can't see anything, russ. i can't see the light in me. i know you want more from me. i'm sorry i can't give you the everything.

i didn't mean to leave you
and all of the things that we had behind

is that what i am doing? just abandoning everything? abandoning us? no, no, no this isn't what i meant to do...

someone will love you
someone will love you
but someone isn't me

i'm lying to myself. i know i love you. i know i can't hide. but i want to, i want to so bad. i know i can't drown myself in self pity and expect it to solve all my problems.

      i run away when things are good

      it's all too good to be true.

      i never eally understood
      the ways you laid your eyes on me
      the way that no one ever could

      i still don't get how you could like me. i'm a monster. i'm just like him. why do you see me differently? why don't you think of me like others do?

     and so it seems i broke your heart

     it was mutual. i love you, but i don't want to hurt you. i can't hurt you, russia. i can't. i'll never forgive myself. i can't live in more and more and more and more regret.

     my ignorance has struck again

      i never meant for it to turn out this way.

     i failed to see it from the start

      i always knew i loved you. i never believed that you felt the same way towards me. i assumed it was nothing. i assumed we were a couple, nothing more. i never believed you would want anything more.

     and tore you open till the end

    i didn't mean to hurt you. i was trying to protect you from myself. i never meant to cause you even more pain.

    and i'm sorry to my unknown lover
    sorry that i can't believe
    that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me

     i'm just so lost. it wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

     sorry to my unknown lover
     sorry i could be so blind

      it's my fault. if only i let you in, maybe we could be together. maybe we could be something.

      didn't mean to leave you
      and all of the things that we had behind

      but no. i had to push you away. i had to be a stubborn fuck and refuse to accept love or emotions. it was supposed to be a toll on me. i don't deserve you. i didn't mean to hurt you.

      and someone will love you
      someone will love you
      someone will love you
      but someone isn't me

       i lied again. i keep lying to myself. i know the truth deep inside. i know someone is me.

      i look over at the country whose back was turned to me. i was sitting behind him, allowing only my head to turn behind and face him. he didn't look back. i only saw his ushanka covering most of his face, and his head bowed down, curled into his lap, rolled up like a ball.
      i reach out my hand.

     the tall grass in which we sad in tickled my fingers as they glided through the air and made their way to russia. i gently place my palm on his arm, since his hands were tucked away somewhere in the middle of the ball he was in.
     he flinched, releasing himself from the tense ball that he was earlier, and looked looked at me with a surprised and confused look.
      i take advantage of his now free hand.

      i gently got a hold of it and laced my fingers through is. he looked at me skeptically before he finally understood.

      no words had to be said.

      it was just me and him.

     i could feel the tension between us slowly slip away as we held hands. that's all that needed to be done.

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1031 words
song oneshots are rlly fun sorry-
kinda angst i guess? not quite sure what this is
hope you enjoyed!
have an amazing rest of your day <33