Roguish Women- Tommy Shelby

Something Amiss

            "Alice sent flowers," Kate said, coming back upstairs from getting the mail. Tommy was in the bathtub, trying to relax just a moment before his brother's funeral. "Alfie did as well." She set the bouquets down on the desk.

Tommy barely acknowledged the news. He had very limited space in his head to comprehend anything.

"Tom?"

"I'm sorry." He shook his head and looked up at her.

"There's no need to apologize." She walked over to the tub and kissed the top of his head. There was a knock on the door and Finn called to them. "Alright, come on." She said gently. "We'll get through this."

~~~~~~~~~

Kate's heart was beating fast during John's funeral. But she didn't want to alert the rest of the family and ruin Tommy's plan. It didn't feel right that she was keeping things from the other Shelbys but she felt she had no choice anymore. Tommy had gone ahead with a plan, there was nothing more she could do.

Her heartbeat was so loud in her ears that she couldn't hear Tommy speaking to his family in front of the wagon John was laid to rest in. But she heard the sound of gunshots as they rang out over the field. Instinct told Kate to duck and take cover. But she kept on her feet. The only three people standing, her, Arthur, and Tommy, were revealed to be the only ones who were privy to the secret of Aberama Gold's arrival. As she looked around at the fearful mourners, she felt guilty standing there.

~~~~~~~~~

"We haven't even really talked." Ada fell into step with Kate who was on her way back to the flat. The rest of the family had split up after the funeral. Polly went to Michael, the boys went to the yard, and Ada, Lizzie, Linda, and Kate returned home to freshen up. They were supposed to go down to the yard later to have at least a little celebration of Christmas. But Kate felt too sick to her stomach to even think about going.

"Sorry, it's been..." Kate sighed. There wasn't even a word suitable enough. "I have missed you all though. I hope I don't come off cold."

"Of course not." Ada touched her shoulder. "We're all getting used to being back with one another. And given John's..." Her voice faded. The death of her older brother was still too fresh to even process. There didn't seem enough time to even mourn given that they were all facing their own deaths should something go awry. "What I mean is that it's been a long time since we've been together. I mean, you weren't even here when everything fell apart." Ada's brow creased. "I think that's why Tommy acted the way he did or at least part of the reason. He was devastated. He lost himself. I remember one day at the hospital, after his surgery, he told me that he wished he hadn't woken up. Because he woke up without you."

Kate felt tears in her eyes. "I lost myself too. It took so long to finally feel okay once I came back, but even now I still feel lost."

Ada looked sympathetic. "Everything is unstable right now. Once things go back to normal, we'll all have time to find ourselves again. We just need to be patient and you need to be gentler on yourself. Tommy too. At least try."

~~~~~~~~~~

Kate sent Ada to the yard with an explanation to Tommy. "Tell him I'm not feeling well and I'd rather stay in." She said before excusing herself to the flat. She changed out of her funeral dress and decided to take a bath. But before she could even heat up the water, her stomachache worsened and she finally found herself hunched over the toilet. She figured that the stress had finally caught up to her. A culmination of the day's events piling on until her body physically couldn't handle it anymore.