Good Enough

T h i r t y S e v e n

For Sixteen years I feared that I'd be alone.

Walking the halls and stairs alone.

That one day I'd be completely forgotten about in my room.

Surrounded by all the movies I had got just hoping my Papa would wander in and think about staying.

I feared that I'd watch my brothers go and leave me.

I feared that one day I'd like to leave.

That I'd finally realize that there was so much more than my sickness.

I feared that my sickness would return and I wouldn't be able to overcome it.

Dying in this house felt almost poetic.

I feared that I would never love someone in the ways in which I loved.

That the love my parents had between the two would be all I'd ever have.

I feared that one day I'd beg.

That I would be desperate enough to beg for him to stay, to love me.

I feared that I'd turn out just like him.

Surrounded by everything I've created and out of fear, destroyed.

Tears burn Liam's eyes as he holds his notebook closer to his chest, his chocolate eyes scan the room hoping to find Zayn's burning Hazel orbs. Instead, they land on Niall's icy ones, they watched from the back, his expression sorrowful, he keeps his hand over his mouth to hide his quivering lips that emitted soft apologies.

Ripping his stare away his breath hitches when Zayn stands, "I'd like to go next," Volunteering to put the attention on him, Liam offers a watery smile thanking him silently, "Sure, Mr.Malik," The teachers remarks gesturing for Liam to take his seat and Zayn to approach the front of the classroom.

"Not sure how I can follow that up but um, I'll give it my best shot," He muses winking at Liam that exhales shakily attempting to ignore the stares of concern from the other students in the classroom.

When Zayn begins reading his poem aloud, Liam's fear of being judged diminishes. He instead lifts his head watching Zayn's lips as he speaks. His honey-silk voice soothes him, entraps him in a haze with the tune of his words.

"I call him Puppy, Let me tell you why,

They resemble big chocolate pools,

Or Burnt Embers darkened by the rising sun,

They resemble nature after it rains,

Or Copper iridescent flames,

He'll never know the love I have for his Puppy dog eyes."

It was short. A drastic difference from the piece Liam was forced to read aloud. 

Zayn locks eyes with Liam once more reclaiming his seat with a nod towards the teacher, "Alright, who's next?"

Liam leans over, "The assignment was to write about something personal, something that helped you grow," He reminds teasingly, Zayn inhales deeply smiling at the boy, "Those eyes did help me grow. I got a real job, told Gigi I couldn't help her anymore."

Furrowing his eyebrows, "Where'd you get a job at?"

"They finally let me in at the tattoo shop as an assistant for now. Mainly just to help clean and schedule, but anything will work."

"I'm proud of you," Liam beams grabbing Zayn's hand, "Are you coming over today after school?"
"I can,"
"Please," Liam pleas frowning when the bell rang throughout the class knowing he'd have to go the next two hours without seeing Zayn.

Bidding his boyfriend goodbye, Liam adjusts his backpack heading to his next class, he rolls his eyes seeing Niall approach his side, "Zayn's poem was cute-"

"We're still not talking,"

"He didn't pay me!" Niall rushes suddenly, Liam halting in his steps, he glances at the teen that stands with his hands on the straps of his bags staring into the orbs of his old best friend begging for forgiveness.

He licks his lips waiting for the few people to pass between them, "I-I just did it to-to see you." Niall admits, Liam lowers his gaze to the floor seeing Niall's sneakers cross the blocks between the two until he's right next to him, "I-I was worried, and y-you wouldn't talk to me."

Meeting the icy eyes, Liam nods, "I don't forgive you. I-I," Liam trails off hearing the warning bell, Niall's eyes widening as he remains rooted to the spot waiting for the teen to finish, "I won't ever, Niall. You picked him, over me."

"L-Liam it's not like that, it-it wasn't like-"

"I don't care," Liam replies softening his features, "I-I don't miss you. I don't need you."

"Liam I miss you," Niall confesses tears spilling onto his cheeks, he sniffles gesturing to himself, "do you know how fucking bad I feel every day?! I know what I did was wrong," Turning to walk away, Liam sighs, "Try therapy." Heading off towards his next class he wipes the tears that formed in his eyes on his sleeve plastering a smile as he heads into Math.


Zayn's new shift at the tattoo parlor had started today, making him unavailable to Liam to use for leverage to keep distance between himself and Louis at the house. 

Harry had been gone two weeks now, the father and son left at the mansion speaking only when deemed necessary. 

Strolling into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat, Liam furrows his eyebrows seeing Louis sitting at the counter with his head down staring at his phone, "Hey," Liam calls in greeting, Louis flinching as he whips his head up shutting his phone off, "H-hey," He returns uneasily.

"What's up," Louis asks innocently, "What were you doing?" Liam returns flatly, he didn't have time for his father's games, "D-dad told me his name-"

"Who's the name?" 

"Z-Zayn,"

Yanking his phone from his grasp Liam quickly unlocks it seeing Zayn's social media loaded onto the screen, "So you're cyberstalking who I talk to now? What are you going to pay him to talk to me too?"

Louis glares ripping his phone back, "I just wanted to see his face!"

"I was going to bring him here to meet you!" Liam barks, "You just couldn't wait until I trusted you enough." Louis huffs returning to his seat, he pouts at his son's words, "I-I just wanted to see if he was a-a good person."

Knowing Louis would try and use the "I'm your father" excuse, Liam sighs bringing his own phone out pulling up his camera roll, "He's amazing. He's really sweet and kind, and everything I'm not."

"You're sweet," Louis assures, Liam rolling his eyes, "He's calm, I mean. I-I love him, Papa," 

It was the first night in years Liam laid on Louis' bed. Tucked under his Papa's covers, inhaling his and his fathers' scent together. Louis laid next to him with his glasses lazily perched on his nose scrolling through Facebook as a Hallmark movie played in the background.

Grabbing Louis' arm, Liam pulls him closer kissing his cheek, "I forgive you,"

Liam truly didn't know if he did or not but figures it couldn't hurt to lie at this point. Louis wasn't a good father and probably wouldn't ever be, but he was actively trying, and Liam couldn't hate him for that. 

*I was NOT a poet in school, do NOT judge me for my lackluster poetry skills! Okay? Okay. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.*

>All the love, Emma :)<