Hidden behind those red blindfolds, were curious eyes that once saw the world, soaked it's hue and carried dreams like every other girl. Gandhari, mother of 101 kids, sister of Shakuni but most importantly, she was yet another bird shackled by rules...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"A royalty never cowers."
The air reeked with festivity and everyone had a spark of happiness in them. Ruckus and chattering were doing the perfect job of elating the spirit. In all this, my mind was completely on a different plane.
Sitting on a settee I was mindlessly playing with my pearl necklace trying to ward off the noises near me. The melodious chirping of the caged bird in my room gave me an incomprehensible feeling, it was as if they were trying to mock me, trying to say that I was no better than them. I closed my eyes still fiddling with the necklace, a certain distant memory started flooding my mind.
It was the first day when I accompanied my mother to the court. I was a little girl, just a decade old at that time. Women are not allowed to interfere in the court proceedings so we were asked to witness the whole thing away from the prying eye of the courtiers, safe and unjudged. Though I had to watch all this from the sidelines I was nervous, my palms were sweaty and I was almost shivering. I hated social gatherings, I hated how people always judged me and put me in the standards of a perfect princess but I also knew it was inevitable.
I looked at my mother, she looked unaffected, strong and if I must say distant like a beautiful goddess who has no relation with anything going on here, she was the epitome of a real queen. Her red lips were upturned into a small smile. My mother could be considered one of the most beautiful women, her high, delicate cheekbones, creamy smooth skin, and long tresses as dark as midnight gave off a regal feeling. She was a person I think was born to be the queen, to rule people with her calm demeanor and wisdom. I don't know what got her attention, my penetrating gaze or her motherly premonition she turned to me and gave a small smile. She has always been like that gentle and comforting but at the same time she was strong and unreachable, I don't know does this even made sense but this was who she was and still is.
The whole proceeding went on, many cases were brought, some related to crops, some related to foreign relations, some about crimes in the kingdom, and some problems were about the financial conditions, of the country. Whenever my mother felt something was wrong with the decision she used to signal my father who was the only person in the court who could see us, she truly was an intelligent woman. I had so many questions at that time I was so curious. I dreamt about helping my father in running the kingdom, this state is my own and like a little girl I was, I started fantasizing about the day when my mother would finally let me go there. While I was daydreaming, I leaned in my seat and accidentally my arm hit the vase near me which lead the vase to fall. The whole chatter abruptly stopped and everybody looked in our direction. Even though nobody could look at me, my heart still was thumping. I was freaking out, the maids near me started cleaning up the mess and I peeked at my mother. She had an expressionless face but disappointment was clear in her eyes. I bowed my head to hide my now teary face. I squeezed shut my eyes conning myself that everything was fine, I did nothing wrong.
After an hour or so the whole thing ended and I dashed out of the place, I wasn't looking where I was going 'totally unlady like' I chided myself the only thing that was running through my mind was 'Why? Why must I be like this, why can't I be a bit lady-like, a bit gentle, a bit stronger? I finally collapsed and found myself at the place I truly belong- next to Shivaling. Mahadev has always been my guide, the one who I believe would never abandon me. I sobbed continuously in front of him thinking about the disappointment in my mother's eyes and how nothing I do is good enough.
