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I sit on the corner of my bed, propping my elbows on my knees with my phone in both hands. Staring intensely at the black screen, I tap on it to wake the device. No messages, as expected. My heart pounds strongly in my chest, and I feel like I can faint at any moment.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" I say to myself, fighting back the urge to scream. My hands start to tremble and I drop my phone to the floor before I fall back on my bed with my arms spread out. "I'm such an idiot," I shake my head at the ceiling. Closing my eyes provides no comfort, and keeping them open with nothing to look at feels just as dreadful. I go back to a sitting position and pick up my phone from the floor, taking a deep breath before unlocking it.
My last messages to him appear right away. Viewing them over and over, my eyes scanning each and every word, I feel a burning sensation as tears start to fall. I have to make things right again. I know this for certain, but how can I do it? My thumbs hover over the keyboard, wondering if sending a message is the best first step.
I can't focus on what to say while his messages stare me in the face. All I can think about is how much things have changed in such a short matter of time. In my mind, thoughts of happier days together clash with tonight's monumental fight, and the more that these memories scuffle with each other, the more it becomes too much to handle.
I stand quickly from my bed, throwing my phone onto the mattress. Within a few steps, I'm at the door and I whip it open before running out.
"Hey, I'm just about to have dinner rea— where are you going?" Mom asks as I reach the front door. I take care not to show my face as I grip the doorknob, fearing that she might see my tear-streaked face.
"Um, I need to take a walk, I'll be back," I mutter, and while I may regret this later, I shut the door behind me without waiting for her response.
I don't know where I'm going, except that I need to go anywhere that'll distract me. Using my sleeve to wipe away at my face, I get down the stairs hastily and speedwalk down the driveway, but I only make it to the sidewalk before I almost collide with another person.
