Thousand Paper Cuts

Nineteen : the lighthouse

Skye :

Her life kept on passing like a moving train, and little did she realise that lies always have consequences.

Few days later, Adam called her one Sunday morning, so they both were now sitting in some street-side club overcrowded with young and reckless people of New York amid the red-pink lights. Adam was still dealing through his band crisis, and as he was looking at her, she said,
"Don't worry, Adam. I won't leave you."
She drank her cherry cigarette and thought: yet.
Adam sipped slowly, his lips the colour of spring, and said,
"My dear blue Skye, tell me things you don't see in New York."
"Uh, culture?", she replied. She touched the cigarette smoke with her orange painted nails.
"Right, and?" Adam asked.
"Family owned restaurants. Poets. Brave kids."
Adam's lips curled into a smile as he replied,
"All the great things we lack. Also, redheads, except you."
She punched him lightly on the chest and they both laughed, as she spoke,
"So, basically you're saying if there were other redheads, you would've dated them."
His eyes glittered, and looked deep into her eyes. She loved that gesture of looking and being looked just in eyes. It's always in the eyes. The secrets. The life. The galaxy. She thought, and that was when it reminded her of Mark and his green eyes reminiscent to some emerald.
Even thinking about him, electric currents passed through her body and she wondered whether love is always like this.
"Maybe", Adam said slowly, "but I don't want to have another redhead. You are all the colours in one, and I love you, despite of how much I hate your smoking. Jesus, you're gonna kill both of us someday."
She shrugged. As if there was "someday".
She positioned herself on the stool and said,
"I won't. We'll stay here in this great world for a long time. Living is something I really want."
"Say you won't go away."
"I never will", She replied and in her heart she found so many storms she could never sail in.
"I believe in you, Skye", he said, "more than myself."
Something cracked inside of her, as her heart once again beated Mark's name.
Should she tell Adam all this at moment of his downfall?
She wanted to dive deeper in the ocean and never come back on surface. Before she could even have a chance to say something, Adam pulled out a ring from his faded jeans and whispered,
"Will you marry me?"
Her caramel eyes widened, and her heart was starkly at the verge of coming out. _(it would have been alot better. No heart. No feelings)
She didn't want to be cause of someone else's pain, and at that moment, she thought about Franz Archduke, who only mattered because his assassination sparked World War I, so his death eventually lead to millions of others.
So she didn't want to end up like Archduke, and cause something irrational to Adam's heart. She did not want to matter like that.
It wasn't a romantic film where you can easily dump someone you don't love and win over someone you do.
It was real shit, and she didn't know what to do.

She looked up once again. He was looking so pretty staring back at her. In his old cardigan he'd bought from yard's sale. She stared at the ring, that reflected all the colours like neon signs, and finally....finally, said,
"Uh Adam?"
"Yeah?"
She threw her cigarette away, and replied,
"Maybe...uh, can you give me a little time?"
"Skye....", he insisted, "we've been together since years. You still need time?"
"It's something I can't explain now, but I'll need a little time. I will marry you, don't worry."
"But...Skye, it's the perfect time. Don't you see?", he said, looking down at his shoes.
She wanted to scream. So loud.
"Adam, please....just a little time....it's like, I'm not ready."
He nodded and placed the ring back. He looked hurt. So hurt. But the kind of hurt that'd take time.
"I'll give it back to you whenever you're ready", he said.
She nodded. And her eyes started to fill up with unwelcomed tears. She looked away from him, trying to hide herself.
Adam made it worse, by asking,
"You promise you'll marry me?"
His eyes were so focused on her. And he had so much hope inside of him. It reminded her of a Russian film she'd once watched, about "hope is our only hope", and with a choked voice, she replied,
"I....do."