FORBIDDEN FEELINGS part 2

Chapter 29- Why Do I Keep Making Mistakes?

Since the argument, I haven't spoken to Malfoy, and I have just been doing my work and staying close with my friends because they are my biggest priority at the moment, especially as we need to protect Harry. It's now April, so it's gotten hotter and I couldn't help but realise that Lengel still wears those long gloves, even though it would be quite sweaty with them on. I've had time to realise that Malfoy was just trying to be mature by apologising and I just shut him down, which was stupid of me, as he will now probably do that again as he knows what the outcome would be. I need to apologise man.

It's Friday 7th April and the bell rings to dismiss us from Muggle studies last period. I see Malfoy walk out, so I grab him before he can leave, and he gives me a dirty look, which is understandable. We're the last students to leave the classroom, so I tell him to stay so I can talk to him. He rolls his eyes and tells me to be quick because he is going to mess about with Crabbe, Goyle and Blaise.

"I just want to say, I'm so sorry for the other day. I was such a bitch that night. You were just trying to do the right thing and I just shut you down because I was so sure that you hurt Harry, but I should have opened my eyes and realised that I have no proper proof that it was you, apart from the fact that you were there on both days, but you could have just been curious, like myself. I hope you can accept my apology, because I miss the way you feel against me."

His eyebrows raise and he gives me a smirk. He leans in close to whisper down my ear "I'll meet you in my dorm tomorrow night at seven. I have the dorm to myself and you can make it up to me by having a little bit of fun" He pulls away and gives me a cheeky wink, making my blush.

I smile "I'll see you there."

He bites his lip and leaves the room to meet with his friends. I leave the room with my head held high. I stroll into the common room in an amazing mood. Everyone in the room sees this, as they haven't seen me like this in a while.

"Let's play a game or something!" I shout and everyone smiles.

We play a card game whilst drinking fizzy drinks, making jokes and sharing smiles. After that, we eat our dinner in the Great Hall. I link eyes with Malfoy who gives me a soft smile. I give him one back. I haven't felt this good in a while.

Later that night, we're all chatting in me and Hermione's dorm.

"So, it's Saturday tomorrow, plans?" Seamus asks.

"We should go out for a meal!" Dean suggests.

"Yes! Sounds good" Hermione agrees.

I actually think this will be fun. We haven't been out as a group for ages and I think we need to, as we've been so stressed recently about all the Harry stuff. I can't wait.

It's now Saturday, 6pm and we're getting ready to go out. We get in formal outfits and head onto a boat which takes us to Hogsmeade. The meal is so good so far. We have been talking about so much that I totally forget about Malfoy. MALFOY! FUCK! I WAS MEANT TO GO TO HIS DORM TONIGHT. OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I look at the time and its 7pm. I'm meant to be there now, but we haven't even got our food yet. I start sweating and I zone out of the conversation.

"Jessa?" I hear Ron ask as I snap out of my daydream.

"Yeah?" I look at everyone who is staring at me, concerned.

"Are you okay?" Dean questions.

"Yes, I need to go to the bathroom." I lie and I leave to go to the toilet.

I enter the bright room and I start pacing the floor. I need to get to Malfoy's like now. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I'm such a bad person. I hear a knock at the door and Dean speaks.

"Jessa, what's wrong?"

I open the door and pull him in the girls room.

"Oh, I don't think I should be him here" he says, and I place hands on my head as I'm stressed.

"Dean, I'm such a bad person" I tell him.

"Why? What have you done?"

"I was meant to meet Malfoy tonight, to sort things out, and I'm not there. He said he has forgiven me, and I've now ruined it again by not turning up. Why do I always fuck up?" I look up and fan my eyes with my hands to try and hold back the tears.

"Don't worry Jessa. He's going to have to deal with the fact that you have friends and that you meet up with them."

"But it's Malfoy. He won't understand. Ugh I hate that I just forget about plans that I make, like I was looking forward to spending time with him and now we're back to stage one where he probably won't trust me now because I'm being such an idiot."

"Don't beat yourself up about it Jessa. Yeah, you've made a mistake, but there's no going back. Just take a deep breath and try to enjoy this night with us, instead of regretting not going with him. I know you might be back to stage one, but you have to be patient and try and get his trust back in a different way. Also, if he can't forgive you for this then he's not good for you. I know you think he's perfect for you but there's so many reasons why he is a bad person and not worth your time. However, I can't change your mind and I know you won't listen to me, so I don't know why I bother. Just please remember all this when you get heartbroken, even though I don't want you to be heartbroken, I can't promise anything."

"You're right. I'll try to have a good night without him. I mean you guys are the best, so this night will take my mind off of it. Thank you, Dean, much love."

He smiles and we head back to the table. We eat the food; it is very nice. When I get back, I head straight to bed to forget about everything.

It's Sunday 9th April and I see Malfoy at breakfast, and he sees me, and looks away straight away. I can tell he's pissed off with me. I don't even blame him. I stood him up. After breakfast, I follow him to the boys bathroom.

"Malfoy?" I shout and he ignores me and carries on walking down the hall. "Malfoy, don't ignore me please."

He turns around and puts his hands in his pocket "What do you want?"

"I just want to say sorry- "

"Do you see a pattern going on, Carter? You just keep apologising. Doesn't that just get so annoying? Why don't you just stop making mistakes."

"Yes, it is annoying, and I don't know why I keep making mistakes Malfoy. But- "

"Why didn't you turn up yesterday then? I want to hear this excuse" He interrupts me.

"It isn't an excuse, I forgot about our little plan and I agreed to going out with my friends. I'm so sorry, I won't do it again."

He scoffs and rolls his eyes "You didn't turn up because you forgot? What a stupid excuse. Just stop lying and just tell me you didn't want to come. I can handle the truth, unlike you."

"I'm telling the truth, I promise. Please, I wanted to go so bad. But I have such a stupid brain and I just forgot. I don't know why, because I was so excited. Malfoy, do you forgive me?"

He shakes his head "No. If you want to hang out with your friends instead of hanging out with me, then I'll just let you. I don't want to force you to be with me."

He walks off once again, leaving me upset. Ugh, I WANT TO SCREAM.