𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘦//𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴

the 1

"jadeee!" cat squealed as she opened the door. she jumped from her bed and ran to hug her. jade just stood there, falling slightly off balance at the impact of cats hug.

cat hugged her tightly and quickly noticed her bloodshot eyes. cats felt her heart skip a single beat. like someone had taken her mind and sent it off spinning in a hundred different directions. she knew one thing, this wasn't going to end well.

"cat i-" jade started before breaking down into heavy sobs. that's when cat felt it. like two million tiny needles were slammed into her heart all at once. a rainstorm hit her eyes and her mouth quivered. she tried to bite her lip back but she couldn't stop the small whines that came out.

she tried to contain herself but tears started falling from her eyes. one by one. but she was close to silent. it broke them her down to pieces. finally cat spoke,

"it's because i'm a girl" her voice quivered as she started sucking on her cheeks, trying to sound intimidating.

jades heart jolted at the sound of those words. because they were true. jade couldn't help imagining if cat had been a boy. she would don't have been as mad at herself for hooking up with her. maybe she would stay with cat. but a voice inside her was telling her to leave it here. to shut the box of liking girls and never open it again. no matter how much she tried to push that voice away it kept pursuing her. she wasn't homophobic. she was totally ok with gay people and even protested gay rights a few years back. but now that it was her that had to experience this. god it was so hard. internalized homophobia is so hard to push away. no matter how much you tell yourself to love who you want, you can't. because gabriella ended up with troy, not sharpay. cinderella met her prince charming. and it's been drilled into her brain since birth. girls and boys. not girls and girls. and re teaching your brain is incredibly difficult.

"it's hard cat-" she tried to say but cat cut her off,

"don't pretend this is such a mystery jade." jade was shocked. she'd never seen cat so, so... angry. sure cat got sad but never sad like this.

"think about it, this didn't happen because of me. because i have loved you since the day i met you. and you, you haven't even looked at me until you wanted to use me for revenge. just admit it jade, it will never be me. it will always be him." she continued and jade could tell she was holding back heaving sobs.

"no cat-" was all she could come up with. because the truth was jade loved cat too. but she just told beck the same thing. and she meant both of them. fuck.

"cat i didn't know that this would happen" she cried still not moving.

"it's ok jadey" cat whispered into her ear softly.

"don't call me jadey" jade laughed through tears.

"but we were something don't you think so?" cat laughed thinking about the night before.

"and it would've been sweet if it could've been me" she said softly learning her head on jades shoulder. cat has to resist the temptation to ask if one thing had been different, would everything be different? but she held it back, trying to avoid making this even harder for herself.

jades heart split as she closed cats front door behind her. closing off the memories of the night before. closing off the love she felt for the innocent red head inside. and closing off a part of her.