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-Overusing words including curse words (ugh) Teens don't curse in every sentence. -Grammar is a little wonky for ex. i -Didn't read work before publishing on the website -Put dialogue like a letter. It's not a letter. -Get rid of question marks and exclamation points when you're at the end of the dialogue. Just keep the comma! -Beginning of the sentence needs to have capital letters. For example, the b-b-b-b in one of your paragraphs needs to be capitalized. All the b's need to. -Flow of the story's not that good, it's all happening a little too fast.
Chapter 2 Notes:
-If this was an actual book (published and all) you would have to describe the outfit instead of having pictures. -Instead of the last sentence in the first paragraph, I would suggest putting something that wouldn't make it seem as if Sofi were reading the book herself. -Watch grammar! I know it's hard but make sure to read over your chapters before publishing them. -Since Coke is a brand, I would capitalize it. -Instead of putting, "Suddenly I caught my eyes on a face," put something like, "Suddenly, a face caught my eye." It makes it sound much better and less confusing. -Go into detail with what everyone looks like. The more details the better! -Describe emotions, like when she got caught checking him out. -Capitalize people's names. -Make sure to add commas when necessary. -The way you worded some of your sentences were weird in a way. "He's my friend Justin." Put, "This is my friend, Justin." -Do not write lol in a book, unless it's in a text. People don't just randomly say lol in a conversation.
Chapter 3 Notes:
-The first sentence of the first paragraph kinda confused me, so I would rephrase it. -Flaw should be flawed. It's a difficult thing to see and I get it a lot myself so don't worry much about that! -More capitalization issues. -I don't think anyone says lmao in a conversation with someone. -Please don't write lol in a book, it doesn't look professional. -To me, everything is happening a little too fast. More details about her life would balance it out in my opinion. More about her past, and her school life.
Chapter 4 Notes:
-I feel like the beginning needed some context, like why are they going so fast in their relationship? Was it love at first sight? Did they use to know each other? Something like that. -Capitalize your nouns. -I think things went a little too quickly, maybe slow it down a little bit by explaining the girl's past.
Chapter 5 Notes:
-Grammar (spacing, noun capitalizing your words) -Justin's POV didn't really make sense to me. I think with this kind of story, one chapter should be Justin's POV and the next chapter be in Angelina's POV. -I feel like when Sofi confessed about what happened at the party, that we had a conversation between the two about what Sofi should do. -Please to do put wtf in a book, it's okay to put what it is, but don't use texting words in books unless it's a texting story or has a texting conversation between people.
Chapter 6 Notes:
-You got some wrong capitalization in some words in this chapter. I suggest going back and re reading what you did in your chapters before publishing them. -Instead of explaining what they talked about, actually make it a conversation between the two. It gives more detail on the situation. -The mood swings in this, shouldn't be in this chapter at all. -This story does not have Yoda in it, so please don't say b I am. -The same thing I said with the cursing thing. Please refrain from abbreviations in your story. -I still say this story is moving on too quickly, so I say adding more events and details to it so it doesn't seem as long.
Chapter 7 Notes:
-Grammar, again. It's getting better honestly. -Curse words-teens don't say curse words every few sentences. -We need more conversations, the lack of them is killing me! -Again, the chapter went to fast. Your ex isn't going to go up and threaten you, I'm sure in reality they would want to stay away from them.
Chapter 8 Notes:
-We need more details in this chapter. I think it would be more teen like if Justin was confused about what he felt towards her regarding hate or love. -The first sentence of the second paragraph didn't make sense to me, maybe re word it a little bit. -Maybe look up some synonymous for okay, because you repeat that word a lot. -I feel like new information about Justin is just thrown at us instead of details explaining it smoothly.-Everything is still happening so fast in this chapter. -The second to last sentence What the folks, doesn't make any sense. I would say delete it.
Chapter 9 Notes:
-Work on what to capitalize in your sentences. Too shouldn't be capital. -Their love relationship to me is moving a little too fast, maybe slow it down in more chapters? -Grammar issues as well but that's alright, it all gets us so don't worry about it. -I feel like I want to see the conversations between the two, instead of saying they talked. -No-one-has-ever-did-something-like-this-for-me. That shouldn't be there, just one long sentence. -Ummhumm? That didn't have anything to do with the situation.
Chapter 10 Notes:
-I don't think the main character should take Justin killing people lightly. Any normal human being wouldn't take it lightly. -Professors in college don't care if you pay attention or not. You pay to be in the classes, and it's your education you've paid for. They wouldn't yell at you for not paying attention, they wouldn't care. -The professor's behavior isn't accurate at all to what a regular professor acts. -What-the-h should be one sentence, not broken up into
