LMAO

comebacks

person: You're so ugly!

you: I know you are... but what am I? (Don't worry, it gets better than this)

-

person: You are so fat!

you: I may be fat, but I can diet... I'm pretty sure your ugliness cannot be cured.

-

person: *is annoying*

you: is you're name Dan Druff? Because your a total pain in the neck.

-

person: Hey, ugly!

you: Is your family tree a cactus? It must be, everyone in your family is a prick.

person watching nearby: DAYUMMM SHUT DOWN

-

person: you're ugly

you: Me ugly? You are so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering!

-

person: Who would give birth to you, you ugly weirdo!

you: The last time i heard that one, I laughed so hard i fell of my dinosaur

-

boyfriend: You'll never find anyone like me!

girlfriend: That's kinda the point, dumbass.

-

person: Your outfit looks HIDEOUS!

you: Remember the last time I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

-

person: you ugly, fat, idiot

you: Well I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. 

-

person: *annoys you*

you: I would totally slap you... but that'd be animal abuse.

-

person: Why do you even wear a bra? You have nothing to put in it!

you: Why do you wear pants?

whole class: ROASTED!

-

person: (chats annoyingly)

you: you should probably wear glue stick instead of chap stick. My life - and everyone else's - life would be SO much better.

-

teacher: Did you do your homework?

you: Did you grade my test?

teacher: I had other students' tests to grade.

you: I had other teachers' homework to do.

-

person: FAIL!!!

you: Who asked for your life story? OR So did your mom's birth control pills.

-

person: I need a good poem to write for my girlfriend.

you: I got one: roses are red, violets are blue, god made humans, BUT WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU??

-

fat girl: (bullies mentally disabled girl)

you: you know that can happen to any of us, right?

girl: God gave me a mouth to speak and I'm gonna use it.

you: God gave you a mouth to eat, too, but you abused that privilege! And wipe that ketchup off your chin.

girl: Ummm... (wipes chin)

you: no, the other one!

everyone else: ooooooohhhh!

-

person: (is annoying)

you: You know what? I was thinking of you all day yesterday. I WAS AT THE ZOO!!!!

-

person: You are ugly!

you: Just wondering, what are you going to use for a face when the baboon wants his butt back? 

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That was the first chapter! Hope you guys thought it was funny! These are kinda cliche but there's some better roasts coming up later! xoxo