cause you were all yellow | a.i.

fifteen.

broken home 5 seconds of summer
"hey mom, hey dad, when did you lose your happiness? im here alone inside of this broken home."

i refused to let myself fall asleep until i knew she was.

i spent almost an hour just listening to her breathing, waiting until it evened out, proving to me she was asleep.

even still i couldnt stop thinking about what the hell i did to deserve her.

there isnt a single part of me that desereved her forgiveness, but she didnt even blame me from the start.

what the hell did i ever do to deserve her in the first place?

i fell asleep to the sound of her breathing on my chest, watching her chest rise and fall against mine.

i didnt care how uncomfortable i was, i would not move and risk waking her.

she really needed the sleep.

i felt my breathing beginning to match hers as sleep over took me too.

——

"ashton!" i could hear him yelling.

i covered my ears with my hands, praying he would go away.

"boy, you better come out here."

"ash," i could hear her call.

i took my hands off my ears and looked around the closet for her. she was no where to be seen.

"ash," she called again.

"ashton," i sat up in bed.

"ash?" she whispered as wrapping her arms around me, seeming to gain control over her voice again.

i could feel myself shaking against her as she held me tight. i began to reach my arms around her too but my memory kicked in. i just rested my hands on the bed behind her.

"its okay ash, it was just a dream," she said refusing to let go of me. "im here."

i could feel my breathing returning to normal and my shaking slow as i listened to her voice.

"yellow, what happened?" she asked pulling back, taking my hand in hers.

"its a nightmare," i began explaining. "its happened ever since i was younger. i cant believe i woke you up."

"its okay. what happens to get you so shaken up?" she asked still quiet, genuinely concerned.

i hadnt told her anything about my childhood yet, and i was scared it would change how she looks at me.

i was supposed to be strong, but in that moment as a child, i wasnt.

"yellow?" she grabbed my attention. "you can tell me everything, you know that right?"

"i know," i said to her. "i just dont want to scare you."

"ash, anything that hurts you, i want to understand," she said, rubbing her thumb over mine.