cause you were all yellow | a.i.

twenty six.

for my spotify users, this song is not in your playlist.

best friend 5sos
"even every time that im mad at you, i would still bury that body for you."

i sat and listened to mikeys complaints as i waited for clairo to go back inside.

"mate, lets go," mikey complained as i waited.

"mikey, im gonna hit you," i said glaring at him. "i just need to know shes safe."

"i mean shes at her house, how unsafe can you be?" mikey asked, annoyed.

"you wouldnt understand, mikey," i told him as i watched her walk inside. i shifted into first and we began to move.

"you really love her, dont you?" mikey said with a smile.

i couldnt stop the smile on my face.

just talking about her did that to me.

"you do?" mikey continued picking. "dont you?"

"fuck off mate," was all i told him.

"have you told her yet?" mikey continued to push as we drove towards his house.

i sighed for a second, "no."

"but you do love her?" he asked.

"yeah."

"wow," mikey said taken back. "you answered that quick."

"well, i mean i do," i explained as i shifted again.

"then why dont you tell her?" mikey questioned. "i just watched you kiss her and i cant imagine that was the first."

"i want to," i said quietly. "but im scared."

"of what? shes quite obviously just as in love with you as you are with her," mikey stated simply.

"i dont know," i ran a hand through my hair. "but shes not allowed to be with me and i cant lose her."

"she would never let herself lose you. you know that right?" mikey asked.

"whats that supposed to mean?" i asked.

"even with her moms dumb rule, shes not gonna let it stop her," mikey said.

"i hope youre right."

we sat in silence for a few seconds.

"so that wasnt your first kiss, right?" mikey asked.

"nah, mate," i said. "i wouldnt have done that in front of you guys, for her sake."

"wait, then when was it?" he continued to push.

"that night we left early from practice," i felt myself smile.

"it was so late at night? what did you do?" he asked again.

"youre really interested, arent you?" i asked jokily.

"what? no!" he replied defensively.

"youre allowed to be, ya know?" i explained.

"i mean, i love how happy she makes you," he started quietly. "and seeing you two happy makes me hate all the hookups and shit...  i dont know. ive just never had anything truly romantic so its nice to hear yours."

i smiled listening to him admit it finally. hed spent the whole time me and clairo were together acting defensive, and now i know why.

"i was driving her home late, and it was raining. the radio was playing, well actually it was my aux but she didnt know that," i felt myself smiling as i spilled my guts to mikey. "our song came on and we looked at eachother and i could see the spark in her eye. so i pulled into a random empty parking lot, and we got out. we just started dancing in the rain but like the rain didnt even bother us cause we were together, you know?"

i looked over to mikey, who was nodding along with a smile on his face too.

"we danced and sang the song to each other. she completely let go, spinning around in circles and stuff. like she was finally alive. and we sang the one lyric to each other, the you know i love you so? you know i love-"

"wait?" mikey cut me off. "is your song yellow? is that why you call her yellow?"

i nodded as he started to connect the pieces.

"so shes your yellow?" he continued to ask.

"yeah," i said quietly. "she is."

"so you told her you loved her and then kissed her?" he questioned.

"well i sang the lyric to her and then she sang the lyric after but we havent said it since. i mean it was a lyric of the song? what if she was just singing the song with me?" i confessed to michael.

"no way it was just the song," he assured me. "shes probably thinking the same thing about you."

"god, i hope not," i said. "i hope she knows i meant it."

"im sure she does," mikey told me. "anyways, how did you kiss her?"

he was so excited for me to tell him.

"i mean, i just kissed her. like the part before the bridge where it just keeps building? she completely let go and just lived and then came back to me, like i was her rock. and right before the song goes slow again, i just asked her if i could kiss her and she said yes so i just kissed her."

"was it like those movies?" he asked quietly.

"yeah," i nodded quietly along with him. "it was. like a spark almost. i dont know. she just like my second half and when we connected i felt alive again."

i finally heard what had slipped from my brain out into the word. "god i must sound so stupid."

"no," mikey stopped me. "you dont. you really love her and i can tell. i wish i had something like you guys."

i slowly pulled in front of his house, trying to decide what to say.

he started opening his door to get out when i stopped him.

"thank you mikey," i caught him before he jumped out.

"for what?" he asked me.

"doing this for me and clairo. like meeting her mom. i know youve never met any girls parents before so it meant a lot youd do it for me," i explained.

"i know how much you love her, so i did it for you both," he told me as he got out. "plus i love her too so."

"im glad you guys care about her as much as i do," i said.

"i dont know what else you would have expected when you brought her around," he said as he stood holding the door open.

"yeah, youre right," i agreed. "ill pick you up for soccer tomorrow. see ya."

"okay, see ya ashton," he said as he closed his door behind him.

i waited til he got to his door.

i waved to him one last time as i started driving away.

talking to him made me realize how much i truly did care about clairo.

like i knew i wanted to be with her but talking to mikey made me realize how much she meant to them.

and how much more i cared about her than i thought.

cause clairo was my yellow.

and i loved her.

and so did they.