cause you were all yellow | a.i.

forty five.

heatwaves glass animals
"cant make you happier now"

"mom please!" i pleaded as i pounded against my bedroom door from the inside.

"clairo, the answer is no," she yelled from the other side.

shed locked me in here for ten days now. she took my phone, my laptop, my tv. any communication i would have had with the world, she had taken away.

i had no way to contact to ashton.

id spent every day pleaded just to send a single text to ashton, so i knew he was okay, but she refused.

i had no clue if hed fallen back into his pervious coping mechanisms because my mom refused to let me even see my phone.

shes pulled me out of school, telling my teachers i was switching to online so i had no excuse to get out of the house.

shed told me after ashton walked out that day to tell the truth or she would move us back to america. so i told her the truth, that i loved him. she told me i would be moving back to my grandparents in less than a month.

i hadnt spoken to anyone other than my mother in over a week, and at this rate it sounded like it would continue like that for another week.

the only ounce of hope in my body was the drawing staring back at me. i loved him so and hed bleed himself dry for me.

now we just hope he doesnt actually bleed himself dry.

—-

on day twelve i finally broke through to her.

"can i please just send him one text?" i pleaded with her as she sat at the table reading a newspaper.

it had taken up til day eleven for her to even let me out of my room, but i wasnt allowed out of her view.

"mom. i just need to know hes okay," i continued to beg.

"fine, you can send him a text," she said with a smirk.

"really?" i said surprised.

"yeah," she said shrugging. "but i will be standing right there the whole tim-"

"okay," i said excited.

"i wasnt done," she sounded mad. "and the only texts you will send will be ones ending it with him."

"what?" my heart dropped.

"youre going back to america. no need to drag him on any longer," she told me simply. "plus, he never loved you anyways so it shouldnt be that much of a surprise."

"mom," i felt the tears starting to flow.

"no. no crying!" my mom said standing up. "if you want to text him, youre going to break up with him. end of conversation."

i ran a hand through my hair as i decided what to do.

"so are you going to do it or not?" she pushed as she watched me pace the living room.

"i need to talk to him," i whispered to myself. "i have to know hes okay."

but i dont know how the hell im going to make it sound like im breaking up with him to convince my mom, but still make it sound like im in love with him to him.

"are you doing it or not?" she asked, getting more annoyed as seconds went on.

"yes," i said quietly.

and i was going to have to come up with it on the spot.

she walked into her room, bringing back out my phone.